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I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.

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Catching up here -

Way - yup we are Ok, thankfully.

Llama -thanks for the hugs and prayers.

Frogster -I'm sorry That is so hard!!!

Bingo - how are you doing? I hope that talk worked. You need to protect your health.

Hothouse - not nice at all. Your hub is kind to visit.

Alva - good idea for Hothouse's hub to make a few visits on his own.

Finally the insurance company has gotten things straight - I think!!! The car damaged by the moose still sits in its parking space here. R doesn't want me to drive it as the power steering is partly gone since the accident. Today I got a phone call from a manager (I had complained) saying the garage of our choice had been authorized by her to proceed, which is great, but I haven't anything in writing. They authorized the wrong garage to begin with. Hopefully we are on track now and I can get a courtesy car and get my own repaired before the snow .comes to stay.

Other than that the trip was great and I want another holiday soon!!! Folks, they really are good for you!
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Hothouse, the family joke with my daughter and myself is her saying "You love J. more than me" and I will own that I am CRAZY about my son-in-law.
When you think about it, it is the mom and daughter who have a lifetime of giving one another advice and trying to protect (manage) one another's lives. While the son-in-law is just gently "there" as a friend, with no advice and no management.

Take advantage of this.
Send hubby to visit once in a while and put your feet up, eat bon bons and watch bad TV.
Your note kind of tickled me, much I know it might be annoying.
The caregiver is often the least liked person in the house!
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Ive been visiting my father for two weeks. I’ve been bringing DH who my father loves. My father’s face lights up when he sees him. He makes the effort to have a conversation with him. It’s extraordinary.

When I go to see him alone, I don’t get the same response. He will wake up to eat and then goes back to sleep and all he wants to know is where my husband is. And it is not for lack of trying on my end.

Stupid stuff, I know. But I know now he is still there and he really doesn’t care if I am visiting if I’m there without my DH.

Just a stupid trivial whine. My father is lucky that he has a son-in-law who visits. His other two do not.
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Hi all, she’s had it for 4.5 years. She is living with it, not dying from it, yet. I have four kids (homeschooled) and not a lot of time, unless I want to continue having heart palpitations and wearing down my teeth. I think he might “get it” now after another talk yesterday. I needed a break from it all. I can’t devote hours to anguishing over her situation. I wish there were more hours in the day. I think there are more resources to explore. It’s just been incredibly stressful because we are so intertwined with them. And I will try to better, too.
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@WilliMartin

You will never get a moment of judgment from me about not wanting to be a caregiver at home. I wiped a$$ and dealt with the equipment, the dementia, the complaining, the confabulating, the asinine stubbornness, and the nonsense for 25 years as a homecare CNA (I was an APCNA which is equal to an LPN or LVN) before opening a homecare business. I'm still dealing with a lot of the asinine stubborness and nonsense from clients. So I get it.

Here's the thing though. Both of us chose the work we went into. No one forced you to go into nursing and no one forced me to stay in the homecare field. I made excellent money in the private-care industry and you made even better money as a nurse.

If your husband's care is too much for you, that's okay. You don't have to light yourself on fire to keep him warm as that wise saying around here goes. He can be put into care. Yes, you will have hard feelings about it, as everyone does and there will be people who will try to guilt-trip you over it. You have to do what's best for not just your husband, but yourself. If people don't understand, screw them.
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Bingo, Your MIL has terminal cancer. She will be gone in less than a year in all likelihood. Since this is not going to be a decades long slog, why not help out? The length of time makes all the difference as far as caregiving goes. This can be handled for the short term. Tell your husband what you can and cannot do to help and go from there. Then get the necessary help in place.

I think this is a better approach than a divorce which will not leave you in a good financial situation.

wishing you all the best.
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Bingo, sounds like this marriage has more problems than mom and her cancer. I think it is likely over. You are at this point abusive to one another. See a divorce attorney when you are ready to end your marriage. Don't expect someone else to do it FOR you. That isn't fair. The problems you've brought to this Forum are marriage problems really, not elder care problems. We simply aren't qualified to give you help with your marriage. Do seek real help with a counselor, make what decisions you must, and get help for yourself, because current actions are digging a hole deeper and deeper and things will become more and more permanently fixed and self harming by your actions. I am so dreadfully sorry.
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I asked for a post to be removed so that my husband wouldn’t be upset if he found it. I’m married to a man enmeshed with his family, and MIL has terminal cancer. I live nextdoor and have spent a good amount of time feeling like the third wheel in our marriage. We have four children. He has now been asking instead of telling me for the little bit of help his mom needs while FIL works with him, but it never feels little to me. Monday I sat in on a call with her oncologist, which left me frazzled and frantic. Tomorrow he wants me to drive her and claim 1 1/2 hours out of my day is no big deal. So it’s the same— he is asking instead of telling, but I just have to answer yes. Anyway, I blew up and screamed I want a divorce and told him to get rid of me. It was a plea to end my misery, I admit. I’m so tired of the depression and our only socialization is with them. She can’t help her cancer, I know when she passes, I’m in big trouble with him anyway for being such a hater.
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My whine or wail or whatever is that my significant other isn’t coming back. I know it’s best but residential care is a hard step even though I know I can’t care for him. He got life flighted out a month ago and has been in rehab til the money for that ran out. He can walk with a walker now but his mind is going or gone. He was brilliant once. Wan wah wah. It hurts.
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Golden: Hugs and prayers.
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Golden .

How scary . Glad you are both Ok !
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I guess this fits under a whine,

A couple of days ago in Northern Ontario, we had a collision with a young moose. Fortunately R managed to swerve so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. The car is damaged but drivable, and we are fine. I'm actually not even much shaken by it, though certainly hoping it's not going to happen again. It's the season when they get out and about.

Other than that we are enjoying ourselves. From Pembroke, where we are now, we will head for the Gatineau and then on the Quebec City. I think that's all we will manage this time. Driving across the Prairies and Northern Ontario takes about a week going and coming back and we only have two weeks. I think to see the Maritimes and Nfld it would be better to fly east and rent a car. Less chance of hitting a moose too.😉
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Thx Hothouse - Loving the colouring. R will get through it as he has before, I think he was just a but discouraged that his PSA numbers were high again,\, However, it prompted us to talk of future possibilities, positive and negative, which was a good thing,

Gabe -fun is always good and so is a break
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Nothing wrong with having a moment. Remember to take "me time". A book, a bath. A ride. Something for you. We all have them (At least I think we do). Mine is I don't know what we're having for dinner tonight either, go look in the fridge and figure it out, You do it when we go on vacation for 2 weeks (hmmmm, scratches head) or have own appointment to go to and aren't home for that meal (scratches had again) lol. Just remember, they rely on us. Try to have some fun with it and make time for yourself like I mentioned earlier. Misery loves company (the kind that outstays its welcome), so be happy instead and post on!
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Golden, Enjoy leaf peeping. I miss autumn back East. It is such a beautiful time of the year there.. And I hope R gets through his hormone therapy okay. Best wishes.
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Golden,
You are right it is always hard. I think in 50-60s reaching a peak or end of career and dreaming of doing different things is harder and it has that lasting effect, regrets, resentment even, although it is nobody’s fault, just awful diseases.
I am so sorry to hear about R. I hope he will get well with second treatment.
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unretired, willie and eva - being a caretaker at any age is really hard, and it robs us of the life we might have had and can also rob us of our health. Take whatever steps you need to to protects yourselves.

casole - I'm sorry -just when things are working, something changes. Seems to be the times.

R's PSA results are bad - levels are high again so he has to go back on hormone therapy. Not great news and the side effects aren't fun. I'm learning that with cancer if it returns or was never gone, you just have to keep doing what you have to do. Some get a clear bill of health fairly quickly, others not. Also a couple of weeks ago a cousin of his dropped dead (literally) which has shaken him. Probably heart related.
So far my dd is still clear of her cancer, thankfully. I'm still sorting out allergies but am much better than before.

Good news is we are planning a driving holiday to see the colouring in the east. It's been on my bucket list for a while. It will be good to get away.
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Ugh I'm so annoyed. My mom's formula Promote 1.0 has been discontinued and now they are replacing it with Osmolite 1.2 which gave her really bad diarrhea last time... But... She had just gotten the tube put in again after having been off it for almost a year, so her system may have still been adjusting. We went back to the Promote for her bc that's what she had been used to.

Main differences seem to be the new one has high oleic safflower oil and calcium caseinate vs soy protein. Supposedly they discussed with her doctor but he said nothing about it at her last visit and it was probably his receptionist who ok'd it after a 1 minute review.

I think I'll introduce it back in with every other carton. And maybe fib a little and say it's essentially the same. She's 81 and anxiety off the charts with any changes same with my dad who does her morning tube feed, changes = no bueno.  Diahreaa throws her off for the whole day. She will make herself sick worrying about what it's going to do to her so I have to act like it's no big deal at all.

She only uses the formula in the morning as she can eat some soft food. I'd really like to try a natural formula for her like Kate Farms but I don't know if I have the energy to go through the process getting it approved and I don't even know if it will work for her anyway..

Always something right? 
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Willie Martin and Unretired,
I understand how you feel.
Most express how younger women in their 20s -40s are losing years to caregiving.
How about us 50-60, vibrant, educated, full of life women who sacrificed years of careers and we don’t get another chance?
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‘Unretired’, you are a brand new poster who has given no information on your profile. It’s OK to just ‘vent’ about your problems, but sharing more about them is likely to provide much more help to you. It would be best to start your own thread so that you can find support from people who relate better. For example, you were ‘happily retired’ but you taught dance classes yourself. How old are you? How fit? What care are you providing? What options have you researched?
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I was very happily retired. Now, as a caregiver, suddenly, I have a full time job 60+ hours a week. I have given up all my fun activities, the dance classes I teach and haven't seen any of my friends. We have a part time home caregiver, but it is not nearly enough.
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My rant: I will not set myself on fire to keep somebody else warm anymore. 
He is supposed to be my equal, my spouse, my love, NOT another patient waiting for my assistance. Caregiving tasks by themselves sound easy enough to those who have the luxury of leaving work at work without having to deal with the same crap they just left when they get home. 
Between my paid hospital job and my unpaid “caregiver job” at home, there isn’t a day that I’m not wiping someones ass, cleaning up crap, or f*****g around with equipment to get someone in and out of bed or off the toilet. Had I known nursing would take over my life and define my person, I would’ve never went into nursing. To my critics: Did the truth offend you? Try taking your own advice you so freely dish out and suck it up!  I’m done with all the judgmental self righteous a******s who have the gall to tell me it’s my duty and try to dictate how I’m supposed to feel about it. 
Ever hear about the nurse who died and went to hell? It took him 2 months to realize that he wasn’t at work. Maybe that was me.
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Thanks, Llama. Getting there.
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Golden: Feel better.
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Oh goodness - typos, typos!!! I got a reaction to the RSV shot (the big D and dizzy) which has never happened before, so I am rethinking my regime. No more before we go east and we will see afterwards. Joys of aging!!!
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Got my RSV shot and the booster booked for the end of October. It was my first time at that pharmacy for shots and the girls (pharmacist and receptionist) are great. We ended up laughing and hugging. It felt so good.

Flu shot will be booked after the RSV booster,

I called 811 and surprisingly I can call and book a covid shot on Monday. She wasn't sure if I am included for a freebie and will clarify that, I guess they haven't had the run on bookings for people who get a free shot that they expected. I was surprised that I could book so fast. Then that will be me "shot up" for this year. I don't do it every year but thought it was time.

Eva - I think you can get a covid shot quickly if you want one, but you probably have to pay. I think it should be a consideration that you have a very ill husband. n allergy headahe for a wee

I guess this is really an anti-whine. Combine this with the fact that I haven't had an allergy headache for a week - I feel like I have been let out of jail!
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eva - glad it isn't covid

cw - my reading of that article says that Albertans can't get free shots in BC. Anyway, it would cost more to get there than to pay for one here, presuming there are vaccines available. I'm calling Health Link 811 to find out if i am excluded. CFS/FM affects the immune system.

I find the Alberta policy discriminatory to healthy seniors who can only get a shot IF there is vaccine left over. I wouldn't mind paying for it, and having to book an appointment. I appreciate the gov't is trying to be fiscally responsible. But, the way it is set up, may be at a health cost to my demographic.
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Golden - That's your Premier's doing, you may be able to slip over to BC to get the vaccine
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/edmonton/free-covid-vaccines-bc-albertans-1.7615154
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Golden,
I am sure you got it right. About $100 per shot for most, seniors as well.
Turns out I did not get COVID. But thank you all for wishing me well.
I knew COVID is here to stay but did not think it would be increasing in summer. Apparently I was wrong. Just looking at how many people are already masking would suggest some perhaps have it.
What happened to Driving Daisy?
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Ahhh, vaccinations!

Just checked with a local pharmacy and, as of July, covid shots are handled differently. You have to meet certain criteria and go through a booking process. I read the blurb online and apparently I don't meet those criteria. If I had Senior's Benefits (for low income seniors) I would. If I want a shot I have to wait until a later date that those who meet the criteria and see if there is any vaccine left over, and then pay $100 for it. That's not very kind to those of us who are older but not receiving care of any sort. I will call the 811 line to be sure I have interpreted this correctly. CFS/FM involves the immune system so I hope they will include it.

I can get the RSV vaccine and will go for that tomorrow. The regular flu shot will be available end of October.

Oh well. Nothing goes smoothly for long,
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