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I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.

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lol,
i got snubbed today. stopped by ednas and she was in the cafeteria playing bingo. pretty low keyed event so i sat with her. about the second time i helped her mark a number she told me if i wanted to play , get some cards. shes doing real well right now and i guess i " demeaned " her in front of her peers.
ya haveta roll with the flow with dementia patients i guess.
jeanette, by dam my mom was a big eater too. shed whack a huge pot of veg soup in about 5 days. id make various bread dishes and her and my kid would go thru them. id bury my head in my ice cream bucket. cooking is more fun than eating.
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Their tastes do change as they go through this, right? I just hope mine quit wanting sweets when I get to be their age.
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My whine moment of the day was a bit sad. My cousin called. He recently went into post-surgical sepsis and was close to death. He was given back to us, but still has a long road to full recovery. We had a 3-way conversation going, but my mother couldn't quit talking about herself. Cousin wanted to talk and I wanted to hear, but we were drown out. When we hung up, I talked about how we had almost lost him. My mother dismissed it, saying it wasn't that bad and that doctors didn't know what they were talking about. It was bothersome to have her trivialize the near death of someone who meant so much to me. No point in discussing it, though. I just "sucked it up." I'm starting to feel like a sponge.

Oh... and I'm tired of cooking, too. I only cook one meal a day, but there's only a few things she'll eat. So dinner is boring and totally uninspired. (I don't like to cook much, anyway.)
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Hubs went out to do some errands this morning and came back with two packages of stew beef because it was on sale. He thought "we could make a double batch" and give some to his mom to put in her freezer. Fine. Except MIL likes her stew one way and I like mine another, sooo....not so much a "double batch" as two separate ones. And WE won't be making it. I will because "mom likes the way you make it." I love the man, his heart's in the right place, but it drives me crazy when he says "we" and really means me. And stew is a winter dish that takes time to prep.....potatoes and carrots and parsnips to peel...onions and celery to chop.... I'm tired of all that. The snow's all gone and I'm ready for steak tips that I can marinate and pop on the grill with chunks of sweet pepper and onion. Sum-sum-summertime food! Mmmmm.......
So that's what I'm whining about today. Tomorrow I'll be making stew. Two pots.
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smaller whine -no hot water this morning so a cool shower
larger whine -having to move mother again -3rd time in less than 5 years. And this will have to be a two or three phase move- get rid of some stuff and store the rest, then some months down the road move mother and what she wants/needs of the stored stuff and get rid of the rest. And I have no assurance from her psych that this will be the last move. I do not want to be moving her again when I am 80!!!
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I've done a lot of whining this week. I think I've used up my quota for the month.

JeanetteB, I thought I'd retire from cooking. Brought a lot of food home from restaurants, bought high-end frozen entrees, etc. Hoped to cook when the mood struck me. That didn't last long as my husband slid into some eating restrictions and while we still went out it was easiest to cook at home.

Now I have two boarders (a son and a daughter) who can eat anything and like to try new things, so cooking is really fun again.

If you feel guilty about lots of fast food, try meals from the deli department and/or the good frozen dinners.
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I too have done a lot of whining this week..But darn it! This care giving drives us to it..Between my Mom whining about my daughter who had surgery this week getting my attention and my whining about Mom whining, I'm going to have a nervous breakdown!! Jeez....


I agree stew "out", grilled food "in"!
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My mother is now in a NH, it's just me and my dogs and I'm taking back my life, so I have no whine but I can certainly relate to the cooking nightmare. My mother is a vegetarian and in the years after my father passed she lived on frozen heat and eat meals (yukk). She hated cooking and every time I visited for a weekend or at Christmas I'd have to cook everything and haul it 200 miles to her house.

During the years I cared for her I'd spend hours cooking and often she'd just turn her nose up (for a narcissist nothing is ever quite good enough) and it drove me batty.

These days I cook from scratch in bulk - meat, shepherd's pie, spaghetti sauce and quiche - and freeze in portions. Just got to get something to go with whatever and you're done. Frees up so much time.
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My hubby will eat whatever I put in front of him without any complaints. I even feel the need to apologize for some of the leftovers, etc. So that's not a whiny problem for me. It's that every day he wants to die, says I am not his real wife and dreams up some far-fetched thing to be worried about. That seems to come on him at about 3:00 PM every day. Oh, and also, he spends most of every night in his LaZy Boy chair all bent over and is not ever cold, but in bed with electric mattress pad and blanket, he is freezing, while I am roasting, though my side is not heated - the room is at 76 degrees which is warm for sleeping.. That's about it for now, until the next dementic (I know - not really a word.) imagination. The latest being that he has just quit working and needs to go into the Bank (employer until 26 years ago) files downstairs which he cannot manage, so I must drive him around to the lower level today where he can just walk in...Grrr... There is no reasoning with him and every day it's something different I live in dreadful expectation. whine, whine...
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Lois 3 p.m. seems to be a triggering time. I'd get tantrum phone calls from my mother anywhere between 3 and 5 every day which were making me ill until I had a blackout due to stress and changed my phone number.
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Since we have been living together for 70 years his phoning me is not a problem. LOL If so, your solution would work fine. He usually begins by scrutinizing my list of callers for 'his wife's' phone number so she can come to get him. Since that did not work, he still puts on his glasses and approaches me with his new worry. I check the clock - 3:00 - and think, "Oh, oh, what will it be this time?" I wish it would seem funny as it did the first time or two, but, golly, it is nerve wracking and usually ends with both of us angry and having a bad night..
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Lois that's 3 o'clock bewitching time. Medically speaking it's Sundowner's. There is medication for it or research it and find holistic approaches...
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Can I have another whine? It's late spring and warm outside. Stop turning on the heater, Mom.
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Amazing how most are going through the exact same things dealing with their dementia loved one. Just when you feel all alone and no one would ever believe what you're going through, BAM - You read these posts and it's like, ditto...ditto ditto, yup yup that's my mom... uh huh, she's always cold, yup I get yelled at when she feels I demeaned her ... nodding my head, uh huh, it's all about her and everyone else is going to be fine so she dismisses others problems...food food food... worse than a picky child.

I suppose things in life could be worse - but knowing she's my mother, all the fond memories - and her not knowing any of those or that I'm her daughter - well, the ache it leaves inside cannot be expressed in words. Just the whining of what it all entails can :)... there just can't be a quota on whining while dealing with this.

Happy Sunday!

I hope this doesn't sound selfish of me but reading all of your "whines" made me feel better. I gave up whining to my friends and family since they just don't get it.

Gonna be in the 80's next week. Guess I need to invest in my own personal portable a/c unit or a kiddie pool from wal-mart!
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Assandache, you are right - there is a lot of Sundowners info out there - and I have not really pushed for any anti depressants as yet. The one that has always worked has been raised in price - $400 for 60 pills which is only two months. Insurance pays all but $95, but it used to be around $20. Almost every Rx/drug causes diarrhea for him - just looking at him cross-eyed would probably cause that, so we have to be cautious with drugs. I do have him on one herbal that works a bit - I even take it, but not sure if doubling it would do much more for him..

I found ten strategies listed on line that sound doable, so I have copied them and will review daily for advice for my actions, etc. You guys are sooo helpful..Thanks much! And thanks, Jeanette for posing the question.. Hugs to you and everyone else. I feel love for you all. Blessings, L
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Thank you LoisCorrine.... whining does have it's strong points.

No whining for me today....I decided to take Sunday's off and catch up on my shows. Mom used to hate watching any of the Houswives Show on Bravo,,,,I keep telling her it's just mindless entertainment...it worked and now she laughs' at the ridiculousness of the show!! YAY one small step for mankind :)

PB n J all the way today...followed with awesome green smoothies. ( yes, she hated them) but when I mentioned how much fibre and nutrients they had.....sluuuurrrpppp hehe...
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After I read about the storms in the mid west, now I'm like "what are you complaining about, they have it much worse"!
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Aargh!! We're watching about the storm on the news and Mom says "I know how they feel because I lived near Boston harbor and we had a lot of Nor'easters and the wind was really bad"! Oh I know I need to keep my mouth shut but WHAT? Ya Mom this tornado destroyed homes and killed people and you know what that's like!!! NOT..

She always has to " one up everyone"..
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in indiana tornadoes are an important part of our economy . they force procrastinators to do the remodeling that their homes so desperately need .
im pi**ed, we were promised thunderstorms and theres no thunder.
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I can definitely get on board with whining time. Between my mom staying with me since March, and Dad hospitalized since February 21st... I feel like all I do is try to keep everyone around me happy. Mom does nothing but sit and eat , while Dad has constant demands... need Diet Coke, Not the really big cans, or the small cans... they have to be the 12 oz cans. and oh yeah , don't forget to pick up barbecue ribs and beans on your way to the hospital from work.... My chest is so tight, breathing is such a challenge anymore. I was told by my pastor this week that I am being too 'self focused" other people live like this and I am just being selfish. No, what i am is exhausted. my apologies for the whine....
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Constantnurse don't apologize that's what this thread is about..

Don't worry I'll soon be "one upping" your whine, I learned from the Master!
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My whine for today: as Roseanne Rosannadanna would say, "it's always something..." (ah Gilda, we miss ya). Just as MIL seems to be doing a little better - reasonably grounded, lucid, hallucinations at a minimum - our car decides to crap out on us. Hubs knows a back yard mechanic who does decent work and doesn't rake us over the coals but he's slow as molasses....*sigh*
Cap - sorry you missed out on your remodeling opportunity :(... Maybe you could try a rain dance? I'm sure you could come up with some rockin' good music to back you up!
Constant - I hope I don't offend but that seemed like a terribly insensitive thing for your pastor to say to you. If it were me I'd be looking for another church. Hang in there....and don't apologize! You have every right to feel stressed and worn out. Besides, whining is what this thread was created for!
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My MIL gets furious when I take an hour to visit my own mom.
My mom lives alone and is 89. She no longer drives and depends on me for groceries etc. I am her only contact with the outside world. (She is very hard of hearing and her friends and neighbors all died off).
Also, my dad passed away and so did my brother (age 59). So it s just me.
I love my mom and wish I could spend more quality time with her.
Clock is ticking.
I do the best I can but I resent MIL's attitude any time I am a daughter to my own mom. BTW, my mom is great about it..............but well, that's my whine.
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Argh, definitely feeling the "whine time" lately!

-Tried to find incontinence undergarments to fit mom's rather large size. One company was gracious and sent us samples of 4 different types - all failed to fit. They are more than wide enough, but not "tall" enough - they all stop just short of the top of her butt crack (sorry, not sure what else to call it!) - not a good fit at all. So we are back to the pads, and I've gotten her to agree to change the pads *every time* she uses the bathroom, I don't care if it's 5 times a day. I'll gladly foot the added expense if it means I don't have to wash bedsheets, the blue chair/bed pads, her clothing, her socks and shoes when she soaks them several times a day.

-Today, because she's extra tired for some reason, she won't shower. I completely understand that she's tired - I get it - but the smell in the house is driving me nuts. I have 2 candles and an air freshener going in here and it's *barely* keeping the smell down...and when she moves or gets up...ACK! She showers every other day, which is really not enough, but it's all I can get her to do. I know that in some NHs, they only get bathed once a week....so I guess I'll take what I can get and be thankful for it. Before I moved in, there was a deep layer of dust in the tub - she hadn't showered in months - so even if the smell is horrible some days, I guess I have to be happy she showers at all.

-Mom has required extra attention this past week due to the incontinence issue and her lack of understanding about the pad-changing frequency needed to keep up with it. (She understands now, thank goodness.) This means my work has suffered and I've gotten behind a bit - and one of my clients is *not* happy. I'm kissing butt and eating crow today in the hopes that I can maintain my relationship with them and not lose them as a client. (sigh)

Back to work now....and off to Amazon to order more pads.....
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My mother poops (in protective garments) but doesn't always know it.
She doesn't always see it when she goes to the toilet as it's worked it's way up her backside leaving no evidence in front.
I find it everywhere; on the bed,on the floor, on the toilet seat and her hands.
She denies it's hers.She blames me.
I'm not sure how,when or why I did it today but somehow (according to her) I did the dirty deed on the floor near her toilet and left a tail of toilet paper coming out of her behind ( No, I don't assist with toileting as she still fights me on that one).
I am sick of poop.I can't get the smell out of my nose and I think I'm getting a fetish for latex gloves(joke).
I never wanted to see my mother's nether regions and now they are more familiar than my own.
I laugh at inappropriate times. I think the methane from her continuous gassing of the room is affecting my mind.
I have a fear that the smell of poop and lysol sticks to my clothes and others will think it's my signature fragrance.
Today I cleaned poop in the yard from my dogs.
A friend called to ask advice on treating her diarrhea.
My daughter called to ask me if I thought her cats bowel movements seemed normal.
Obviously,I am now considered an expert in BM.
This really "bums" me out.
Going to bed.
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Olmaandme, Kudo's to you for being able to make this sound funny. I know it isn't and it scares the bejeepers out of me that I may end up dealing with the same issues. I just don't think I can do that part.....

I get freaked out reading some of the awful things caregivers are going through...I see my dear mother declining daily.... mornings and evenings are so confusing and scary to her and the future is scary to me. Sigh.
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Jeanette, we have to laugh at it sometimes, or we'd cry! It's the best way to handle it some days.
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It's been close to 8 months since Mom's surgery. We've had multiple caregivers, each one I had to train and show around and what pills when. Mom baked a ham and a sweet potatoe, the bottom of the oven had stuff all over it, it was midnight when I discovered this. 6 hrs later I finally get to go to bed 6 a.m. Tuesday the 8th caregiver decides not to show up and has said I could call Hazel and see if she's interested. So no break, no help. I know I'm wallowing in self pity, and it's not going to help anything. I just need to vent. I wish Mom's recovery time will end soon and she'll be her old self again. I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this? I wish Mom would go to the senior center of adult day care so she could have a social life without me being there. I wish.
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My dad can never get enough to eat. He recently took my bank card & spent everything but $30. I didn't find out 'til I was out of town for the week-end. I have food. But, my son is 13, will have to go without milk until the 5'th of May. I can't have any "fresh food". I know I'm whining, but, I love a big salad every night. I sure do miss it! ( Maybe I'll lose weight.... sigh).... blou
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JeanetteB, it can be really scary to see all the issues caregivers have to deal with! Just remember that while every single behavior caregivers report is true, no one has ALL the behaviors and symptoms. Who know what your mother will develop?

And the other thing to keep in mind is that caregivers change and grow. You may find yourself easily handling something you never thought you could do!

My advice: Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow. You probably have enough for today.
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