My elderly mother's behavior is very changeable and causes arguments. Any advice? -

My elderly mother's behavior is very changeable and causes arguments. Any advice?


She will play off me against my brother and causes arguments.



If this is something new, then Mom needs to be evaluated. It could be a UTI, dehydration, low potassium, etc. It could be early signs of Dementia.
They do become paranoid. If it's not any of these, then you both have to be aware of what she is doing and either ignore it or stand up to her.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29

My mother's behavior has changed quite a bit as well. More argumentative, suspicious and at times manipulative or seemingly "looking for an argument".

I attribute it partly to her loss of mobility. I think she's trying to control things around her because she feels like she has no control.

It's very frustrating and I try not to take it personally, but I often leave feeling hurt by things that she says.

In my case, she has changed over the years and her moods/behavior change daily and weekly. We have good weeks and bad. Her health has a major effect on her moods.

I'm not sure if you are experiencing something similar, but it is particularly difficult when I have to clean or drive her somewhere or another essential task, where I don't have the option of leaving to escape her moods.

Sometimes just venting about it can help. I just joined this discussion group because I have no one to vent to. I don't always need a definitive answer, but sometimes an an empathetic ear helps. ❤️

It's painful to bear witness to a parent's physical/mental decline. And especially difficult when you are trying to care for them. I hope you can find something to deal with how her changes are affecting you. 💕
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Sunset3339

What do you mean by "changeable" behavior? Changed since she was younger? Changing from one day to the next and then back again?

I have the same question Ahmijoy has. Why do you let this happen?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to jeannegibbs

We could use a little more information if you’d care to share. Does mom have health or mental issues? Was she always an instigator? If you and Brother know she’s like this, why do you and he let it happen? She can only manipulate you if you let her.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Ahmijoy

Always? Or just in her old age?
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to BlackHole