We moved my mother from California to where we were living out of state 3 1/2 years ago. She had mild Alzheimer's at that time and continues to have mild Alzheimer's. She has been seeing a neurologist since she has been with us and her points have only gone down 3 points on the test the last 3 1/2 years. We had her live with us for the first 6 months and this did not work out, caused nothing but stress in the house. There is only my husband and myself and my husband never knew her before Alzheimer's. So with her doctors approval we moved her into an apartment nearby where I could see her daily, give her medications, help with her other needs. She was also allowed to drive which caused nothing but stress because she would get lost, lose her keys. (This also was with her doctors approval). I had to end that when she got into 2 accidents the 2nd being when she drove herself into a storefront. She never told me about either the last one I found out when the insurance company called me trying to get in touch with her. This was 2 hours after I had surgery and was in the hospital. Finally had to confront her then take the anger and remove the keys.
Four months ago we had to make a move out of state. So of course my mother came with us. I am an only child so there is no one else to take care of her. We have again tried to move her in and stay with us and again this has turned into complete chaos in our house. My stress is so bad and the stress is even worse on my marriage. My mother can still take care of herself in the way of dressing she does not wander or have Sundowners. She does not have any organizational skills though it was a problem in her old apartment and of course she would not let me help. She would wear the same clothes over and over again she would buy food like she was buying for family of ten because she could not remember to bring a list or would act like she was going to cook something and never would. When we moved her I took a whole truckload of food to the food pantry and spent days going through things she was never going to use. I know I sound like a bad person and I feel that way. But I have spent my life in someway or another taking care of my mom who stayed single most of life and always needed me in one way or another.
I have checked out independent living and assisted living neither of which she can afford. So I have found an apartment in an over 55 community. They have some activities there and they also have a catering company where she could get her evening meal with a small fee. I wish I could do better we can not afford an extra $1500.00 plus that it would cost us to put her in assisted living. I know this will be for only a short time. My question after all this is where do I go after this. I know she will eventually have to go into a nursing home, memory care. I know she will not be able to come back to us. Do I start with Medicaid? It seems like everywhere you call just wants to send you pamphlet's but offers you no real starting point.