Hello. I live with my 90 year old mother with incontinence issues, unsteady walking. I've been taking care of her since dad died (20 years ago), whereas my 3 siblings have not been keeping in touch - 3 very brief emails a year, e.g. "Happy-new-year"; "thanks-you too"; "speak-to-you-later" type.
Her condition (incontinence, insomnia, dementia) got more critical over the past 4 years. She has a pretty demanding character: demands to go to church (Sunday mass), yet wakes up at 2 pm - so we miss it - and then she complains for missing it.
Over the past few weeks she wants to visit my brother (overseas) who has 3 little kids. She talks about her grand children, and her desire to see them is immense. My brother has been a little better than the other 2 siblings and my mom made it clear that her last wish is to travel overseas, see his kids "and then die".
She was never very responsible, so she has not signed (refuses to sign) any power-of-attorney, related to health issues, distribution of family property, or other documents. At the same time she's always been CLINGING to me while the other siblings have taken for granted my care-giving, financial and emotional support to our mother.
So we made arrangements for mom's relocation, brother said he'd LOVE her to stay and connect with his kids while she says this is her last wish.
So the question is, to which extent am I responsible for them to get along? For him to feed and clean her? For her to behave and stay safe?
FYI in the past I used to call her 5 times a day and was sending her money each month, but honestly none of this was appreciated by her or the siblings or any relatives.
Thanks for your help.