I first told her the truth with the expected results. Upsetting for us both. When I make up something about where he is, she acts very hurt that she has not heard from and thinks he has deserted her. I don't know how to handle this.

Find Care & Housing
My Mom is not always easily distracted or redirected, she's like a dog with a bone. After two years knowing her husband had passed away, she suddenly and repeatedly kept asking me on Saturday where he was. I kept giving her varying answers of "He's on a trip with his brother to visit all the old relatives back home." Which was somewhat effective at satisfying her because she dreaded going on that trip to visit with all the "old relatives." BUT since she has NO short term memory at all, she kept asking and asking. I finally figured it out, she doesn't really want to know where he is, she wants him to come pick her up, she's tired of her situation, tired of being anxious, "trapped" in her memory care home, etc.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JJGood19

Thanks to you both. It is very hard to distract her, however, as she is
unable to do much more than sit in a wheelchair or bed. However, she
still is uncannily lucid when she sets her mind on something. She
will continue to ask and then say "why won't anybody answer me
about him? I know you are not telling me everything."
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to gypsyfeet51

Telling them over and over just makes them grieve again and again. TG my Mom never asked about Dad. There will come a time she forgets him. In the meantime distraction and white lies.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29

All I remember is lots of tears. At first, I told “the truth” which caused pain (as you know) now, my answer often is plain and simple with a quick twist “she’s not here. Hey, I’m having a cup of coffee, want some?” Or “I’m getting ready to wash. Could you help me get the bedding off?” Any quick distraction that diverts his attention usually puts his mind on another track. That is where we are now. There is light at the end of the tunnel, just sometimes you really have to creatively look to see it.
Sorry, it sure doesn’t take away the immediate pain. Strength to you. 💕
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Longhaul

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter