My 87-year-old mother is out of control. What can I do?

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My 87-year-old mother who lives about 200 miles from me is crushing me with her demands. She has lost tract of her money, she repeats stories 20 times a day and acts overly dramatic. She will not stop leaving me urgent messages. I am on low income yet have given her food and money especially the last few months. Her life is out of control. Her memory is failing. She needs to find ways to solve her problems but struggles to survive. Forget her understanding balancing a check book. She blames others for her problems. I have tried to help and even had social workers do an interview with her to no avail. Help!

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My sister told me that mother does want to move and live with her but my mother told me no not ready to move.
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She may not even remember that you asked her not to keep calling. You probably have to limit the phone conversations yourself, by not answering or ending the call when it starts to bother you.

Mixed messages from your sister are confusing. Can you tell us more about that?
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She has been diagnosed with dementia. No bladder issues but dizziness if skips meals.
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I did not get mad just told her not to keep calling due the impact it has on my own mental health.
I get mixed messages from my sister who is involved with decision making.
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Nicole (((((hugs))) It sounds to me that your mother is developing dementia. Losing track of money, failing memory and blaming others are common signs.

Was the social worker any help? You might report your mother to APS as a vulnerable senior or maybe that is how you got the sw involved. Also you could contact your local Agency for Aging and see if they have any ideas for how to get help to her.

For your own self care, you do not need to answer the phone every time she calls or to listen to the stories again and again. Just politely excuse yourself.
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If mom has dementia, and it sounds as if she does, she's no longer going to be able to reason or solve problems very well. Start by doing some reading about dementia on this site.

My guess is she's going to need in home care or assited living soon.

Arguing and getting mad at here will solve nothing. Your must understand that her ability to reason is failing and learn how to handle her.

Also, if you can get her to her doctor, have her checked for uti and have them do a mini mental test for dementia.
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