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Joannona, you know your husband well, so you'll know the best way for him. Let us know how it goes.
I have Lewy Bodies and I'm glad that I know, it still gives me a chance to make decisions about the future, while I still remember what's important to me.
My BIL has a dementia and I told him his diagnosis, he was glad of the truth though now he can't remember it and often asks what's wrong. My answer is `your mind worked hard all your life, now it's having a rest and slowing down.' He seems ok with this idea as he knows his body has slowed down. Good luck.
If you know the type tell him that as well.
He may not grasp it but he may.
And he may forget that you have told him.
I read once that it is possible that a person that has been diagnosed with dementia may have been "covering up" or "hiding" symptoms for as long as 10 years before others start to see little signs. If this is the case with your husband I am sure that he is aware that he has a problem and it may be a relief to put a name to it. Relief yes but frightening as well since we all know the progress and outcome.
Knowing what is going on he can participate as much as he can in early decisions.
How much does he want you to do?
What does he want you to do if and or when you can no longer care for him yourself or at home?
Do you want to do that trip that you have been putting off for years? He might be able to do it now but not in 9 or 12 months.
Does he want his friends to know? Or when to tell them.
There are a lot of questions I wish my Husband had been willing to answer but he would not talk at all about what he was going through. That made it difficult for me.
Also answer this...Would you want to know? Would you want to participate in making decisions that will become difficult later.
And a final comment. See an Elder Care Attorney get all the papers in order now while he can still make decisions. Expensive, yes but may save you in the long run.
And one last comment for you. Find a good support group and start attending meetings. I decided early on that one of the worst days I was having at that time will be equal to one of the better days I will have in a year. It is all perspective.
My husband has suffered 11 years with Alzheimer's and, as of last year, is in a nursing/personal care home facility. He has extreme changes in memory one day greeting me as his wife, however, 90 percent of the time he will ask me why he is there, who am I, do I live around the area, why do I come to visit him, if I have any family, etc. To explain to him in the most plain, heartfelt terms his condition and the role I play in his life would mean nothing to him. If anything, he would get upset and deny he is anything but a normal, intelligent person. Every individual is different. They are understandably very frightened when dementia occurs. They are losing control, independence, suffer confusion, their world is not, nor ever will be, the same. Joannona, I would attempt to answer your loved one in a brief matter-of-fact way, but do not dwell on the subject. You know him better than anyone---but please let him know he is not alone; many people forget and have memory problems. It's up to you how the subject is approached and how you feel your spouse will accept what he hears. Your question sounds as if you are just beginning the journey as a caregiver in the world of dementia. Please remember, you are not alone, be good to yourself and embrace each day. There will come a time when hard, difficult decisions will occur. Find strength in everything you do, be proud of your accomplishments, reach out and permit others to help, love and cherish more than you have ever done before.
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