I've known for many years that my mother is a narcissist. She was and IS a horrible mother who damaged all three of her children. I'm the oldest and somehow I got the brunt of her guilt manipulation and all growing up she tried to make me responsible for her happiness. My dad died 25 years ago and my mom never dated or remarried. I saved my sanity in younger years by living far away from her when I became an adult. When I would visit I would just indulge her the best I could and count the seconds until I could leave.
Starting about four years ago her health started to decline after she had a stroke. Right after the stroke she had mild aphasia but cognitive function wasn't bad. She seemed to recover okay and continued to live independently with some help from her best friend. Fast forward to now- her friend kept telling me she "needed to live by me" because she was becoming too forgetful and basically the early signs of dementia were all there. Her friend was getting sick of taking care of things and I don't blame her one bit.
So I moved her next door to me in my condo building. My husband and I are now invested financially in her unit. It was the only way it could be possible as she couldn't afford it on her own.
That was last Oct. Now that I see her pretty much daily I see that her cognitive decline was much worse that I realized. I finally got to go through some medical records for myself and I now know she has significant vascular disease, and this dementia has to be vascular dementia, although there is no official diagnosis, yet. She developed epilepsy after her stroke so she takes meds for that, and because of it she thankfully has an appointment scheduled with a neurologist for sometime in March.
I am so overwhelmed and depressed. Putting up with her moods daily, her subtle constant criticism and guilt trips. Nothing is EVER good enough. My two siblings were relieved that she moved here, but are now nowhere to be found. I'm getting NO support from them outside of the occasional phone call where they tell me I'm doing the right/nice thing putting up with our horrible mother. I'm so resentful. My husband and I worked hard to early retire and now we have THIS.
I would say her dementia is at a mid stage. The notes from her old neurologist said she has "Stable atrophy with chronic microangiopathic disease and chronic left middle cerebral artery territory infarct."
Needles to say I will have many questions for the new neurologist.
But my main vent right now is every day I am waking up with crushing depression. I know this is only going to get worse and I feel so overwhelmed and alone. My husband is supportive, but keeps his emotional distance. This truly feels like it is solely my problem.
Sorry for the wall of text. I'm a mess and don't know where to turn.