Just need to vent, please don’t judge.

Buzzybee had a hilarious response, maybe you could pretend! But to the point, going through the same deal. Haven't talked to siblings for awhile, they never call to see how she is, etc, etc, just hang in there and remember everybody here is on your side.

I am so happy you got yourself a break. :)
Sitting on a park bench would have been good. The one you got was excellent. Well done.

I am so glad your dad will get two 'fathers days'. Tell them all to do the same for his birthday and Christmas. Oh, and May day and Thanks Giving (and any other holiday you can think of.)

Again - well done - great job. :)

I'm also in a position where I am caring for my two elderly parents. They still live on their own but in the same town as I do. My siblings are usually missing in action doing their own thing. I do not have outside the home employment so am in the best position to look after them. My dad gifts me money and they are all ok with that but, because he gifts me money, I'm afraid they think this is their ticket to handing over the load to me for the most part and I am ok with that.

What I am not ok with is when out of town siblings decide to come visit and may assume they can stay at my place as well. Now I am looking after my parents and hosting guests - too stressful. I have put my foot down and let them know that there are B&Bs in the area, as well as motels. If we caregivers don't set boundaries, they will walk all over us.

That's fantastic that you had a few hours doing something for yourself!! That's so important. I'm glad your dad is so sweet and appreciative. My mom is also (unless she's having cognitive issues from her Parkinson's) and that makes the work more bearable.
Since your sibs live within a 3-4 hour drive, they should be visiting for at least a day every month. My sis did when she lived that far. Now she lives further yet she still visits every 2 or 3 months. She works full time. She gets on the train at 8pm Fri. Arrives here at 9am sat. Cooks and takes care of mom while she's here. I get to sleep in on Sunday. Then I take her to the train Sunday evening and she arrives home an hour before she has to be to work Monday morning. I'm not saying this to brag that I have a wonderful big sis (but she IS pretty incredible😊) I'm telling you this because you should know that you deserve more from them. If family is a priority, they can figure out ways to be more helpful. My other sibs live further away and are far less involved, but at least they appreciate me and that means a lot.
I think its a great idea to show them these posts so they can see they need to step up.

Thanks for sharing your day and for going out to the music fest!

Thank you for all your support and the courage to stand up to them. I took the afternoon off and went to a music fest! Granted I worried how things were going the whole time but I did feel deliciously free for a few hrs. Told them to order in but dad can’t chew pizza. Got a lot of blank stares. Told them there was a frozen lasagna, they could heat that up. I did make dessert . Dad seemed sad I was leaving but I told him we would extend fathers dad till tomorrow and celebrate again.
To answer a few questions, my dad is a sweetheart. So kind and appreciative, even says thank you every time I give him his meds. He worked 3 jobs at times to take care of his family.
With 6 of them here just for the afternoon I don’t think they seemed to get how much I do for him.
I have been keeping a journal on everything that goes on here.

MaryB1. 
Please try to come here for a few minutes everyday. Hibernating in your house everyday, caring for your LO, alone with your thoughts will drive you CooCoo for Cocoa Puffs!
I know your worried, but you do have lots of caregiving experience. Share it here, it'll take the focus off your worries, at least for a little while each day. I'm so sorry you're so alone right now.

Cyber Huggz

oh, and Mom has a broken clavicle from a fall earlier this week! :( Her pain is incredible. We had to stop the very low-dose pain pills because they were making her confusion worse.

I LOVE the thought of inviting our sibs to read these posts!! I, too, would have to change my name. But it would be awfully eye-opening for them, I think. I live 11hrs away and have been sleeping on an air mattress in my mom's AL community for 5.5 weeks so far, with no end in sight. I work full time. My sibs are local. They each stopped by for about 2 hrs on mother's day, one with no gift at all. That's it. I am missing my daughter's first baby shower as I write because I could get no help and Mom is too confused right now to be left with strangers, even if I could afford the $500 it would cost just to have someone here for less than 24 hrs. Assisted living only provides so much assistance, and my mom doesn't even consistently recognize me or her favorite staff. I had to make a judgment call, and the doctor concurred with me that it would be tough for her in her current state of confusion to have strangers (hired staff to supplement the AL staff). I am only getting by thanks to the support I find on this site!

They're babies. Serve pretzels and juice.

They just don’t get it.
Paper plates, pizza and they bring whatever they want to drink.

Marylou, if one of my sibs hasn't called my mom on mother's day or her birthday, I text them and say "mom is awake now if you would like to call her and wish her a happy mother's day" or I will call them and hand her the phone. I figure she shouldn't have to be sad just because they are "too busy" to remember.

Just know u are not alone - we on this board understand and will not judge. I ended up crying all morning because of similar situation. In the end we shouldn't worry what other people think - if we do our best - that's all anyone can ask!

Toller, I completely understand not wanting to host a party on top of everything else you do!! When I moved in to take care of my mom five years ago I just told my family that we wouldn't be hosting parties anymore. They were used to coming here for holidays but I said that i prefer they don't all come at the same time.( They even brought food to share although it was a 3 hour drive) But it was too crowded and overwhelming to have a houseful. I said mom would better appreciate the time if they came separately without all the chaos.
I am fortunate that my sibs all appreciate the sacrifices i made to move here and keep my mom at home. But even if your sibs don't understand or appreciate all you do, you need to stand up for yourself. Do not let them take advantage of your kindness. They should all take turns giving you a chance to get away for a few days occasionally.

If you get a chance, tell us how your day went!

Glad is correct use the therapeutic white lie.

As far as being too stressed to pick some thing up. Make something for you and Dad and suggest they go out and buy a pizza for themselves. Coffee and cookies is all I would have ready.

Wouldn't it be better to use one of those therapeutic white lies? I would often in instances like this. Mom you were napping when they called. Why hurt her if I don't have to?

Marylou, OMG, " No Dad, no one called" that would kill me to have to drop that on him! How sad, sometimes I just hate people....

Did you say vent, so on I went
I made her Sunday salads
Put on her shoes and came when called
But this deserves no balla

SMH at your siblings... no words, but definitely relate. Hugs!

Tollermama, Hope you are having a Happy Father's day with your dad. I just got this on my feed today. So not sure how things are going your way. But my dad has a very limited income. If my brothers were to show up, they would be offered water and a butterscotch candy. My Mom, his beautiful soulmate of 57 1/2 years died in February. I have 5 brothers myself. One has a good reason for not showing up - he is in California (but rarely calls). The others live in the area or near abouts, what 25-30 miles away. My one generous brother helps us quite a bit, without him we wouldn't be where and how we are right now. Another brother is busy, he's out of town for some reason. I only know because I read a facebook post he sent his daughter. Another brother is a selfish mean person who believes his is God and could care less about his own father and children (that's another long story). And the last one, I really don't know the reason. But I know that later today, my dad will ask if anyone called. I'll have to say, "No, Dad, no one called."

So I agree with all the others, who said have them bring something on the way to Dad's and make sure they bring something he can actually eat and enjoy. AND if they would be so kind to bring extra juice, bottled water, for him to enjoy later since money is tight, that would be great, too. Let us know how it goes.

Unless siblings spend 24 hours in our shoes they have no clue how stressful and tiring caregiving is. A nice AL facility is a godsend. Suggest picking one close to them...you need a break.

I completely understand. I am like a hermit in my home. I’m facing some surgery soon & still struggling to find someone to sit with my mom. I’ve got so much on my mind & still trying to hold my head up. I would really like my husband there when I have my operation but I might have to go it alone. I have a brother that hates his siblings & he’s the only one that lives close enough to watch her. This is the hardest job I’ve ever had in my life. I love my mom but I’m having a pretty hard time. Then I do what you are doing , let guilt take over. I can’t tell you what to do but I can tell you you’re not alone. Take care!

I feel so sorry for you!! I cannot believe they are saying this...Print some articles that have been printed out the caregiver usually dies before the caregivee...there have been articles written out there how much we should be paid and it is a thankless job...also bring up, why don’t THEY TAKE care of dad for years on end..and see how it feels? see how draining it is yada yada yada...and you work on top of it!! I can only work part time, myself! I would print out articles or have them go on here to see what it is like.

You SHOULD insist on it. He's their father too. They need to pull their heads out and get involved. Just sayin'.

I feel your burden and pain!
My brother just left town after dropping in for a visit. He didn’t even really spend time with our mother. He could come and go as he wanted and doesn’t do any caregiving when he is here. I can’t even go to the bathroom without having to keep an eye on her on a monitor.
My brother travels, spends money on whatever he wants, and gets to live unburdened in any way (no other family to care for or anything). My husband and I don’t get a single minute alone unless we hire someone (@$25/hr- min of 4 hours at a time) to come into our home so we can escape for a single meal!
I have had to take a leave of absence from work. I still have my miserable job to go back to after my Mom passes, so I can at least be thankful(?) for that.
Money issues stink.
Relatives that don’t have a single clue about caregiving stink.
Watching our loved ones fade away before our eyes REALLY stinks.
So vent away. We all need to or we might just explode!

Tell them to go ahead and visit and then when they get there let them know you are leaving for a few hours. Take some time for you and don't feel guilty.

This hits too close to home---in a way.

One mother's day (biggest joke/fake holiday in the world) and we have LOOONG church meetings on Sundays, 3 hrs worth all together--I hauled all 5 of my kids to our regular meetings, got a dead-ish plant as "recognition" of being a mother--came home and (hubby had opted out of church, so he was sleeping) told the kids "well, this stinks, let's have barf on toast for dinner" ( family recipe, just creamed tuna on toast) and as I a making dinner, dh's MOTHER shows up. He'd invited his mother to dinner. She was as embarrassed as could be, but stayed and ate with us. DH did finally wake up, was profoundly upset THAT I HAD NOT MADE A BETTER MEAL. I did not know she was coming and it was MOTHER'S DAY.

Somebody at work must have busted his chops about it, b/c the next he came home from work with a huge box of candy and flowers. I was working in the office and I said "Those are either 364 days too early or 24 long hours too late. I do not want them." I threw the flowers in the trash and gave the kids the candy.

Every Sunday is Father's Day. I'll make DH breakfast but not dinner and I am not fussing him one iota.

Your family sounds delightful. I have no words for you except that this too, shall pass. I've spent far too many holidays crying and upset b/c DH said something to criticize me about what I SHOULD have done to make a holiday more special.

So many good responses---I'd go either the 'regular food route" or a quick text to give food assignments. Or simply take a little road trip. You really do not need these people in your life!

But, may I add--don't hurt dad in the process. They are, awful as they are, his kids and at least they are making a show of marking the day for him.

White bread and peanut butter left on the counter while you go *somewhere else* - the sibs need to know what it's like, and this is your day off since they are coming. Enjoy! And if they put him in a VA home, it is NOT a death sentence.

This kind of post leaves me seething. Were these people raised by wolves? (Obviously not, but honestly.) You've received a lot of good support and suggestions here. I'm in the "leave as soon as they get there" camp. Tell them where the nearest KFC is and hit the road. These people need a wake-up call.