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I am the sole caregiver for my 92 year old father, no help from a sibling that lives in another state... plus we don't speak. My dad is slowly losing his mental awareness. Can I make decisions and possibly put him in a senior living home without dealing with my sister? She will agree to nothing. She panders to his rant and ravings because of inhertance. Meanwhile I feel like I'm losing my mind. Thanks for any advice.

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The person who has healthcare POA (medical proxy) is responsible for deciding where the principal lives. The person who has financial POA is responsible for using the principal's funds to pay for it.

If Dad is still able to understand the concept of appointing someone to make decisions for him when he cannot, he can name you to both positions.

It is expected that his money will be used to consult an attorney who specializes in Elder Law to set up these documents. You can also print forms and do-it-yourself, but I'd advise against that since your sister might try to fight it. Best to have a lawyer involved.
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Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it..Pete
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The first thing you need to do is make it legal. Before Dad completely loses his cognitive awareness, set up Powers of Attorney in both health care and financial. He needs to be competent to sign these papers or you’ll have to go for guardianship and that’s expensive. Dad has to approve of naming you his POA. Your sister, if all she’s interested in is her inheritance, is probably freaking out because if you put Dad in a facility, his money will go toward self-pay before he qualifies for Medicaid and there will be nothing left.

You need to do what’s best for your dad. But, you also need to do it legally and “by the books” so nothing will come up later from your sister or anyone else to bite you in the backside. Find an Elder Law Attorney in your area and take Dad with you to draw up the papers. Without the official papers, there is t much you can do except argue with your sister.

If you are truly at your wit’s end, send your sister a registered letter and tell her that as of June 30th, you will no longer be able to care for your Dad and that’s it’s now up to her. And then leave.
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