Is it possible to hire an aide for the day for a special event? -

Is it possible to hire an aide for the day for a special event?


It is getting more and more difficult to include my 91 father in special events. My son is getting married and while we would want him there I am not willing to give up my enjoyment of the day to cater to him. I could easily see him deciding after an hour or two that he wants to go home and expect me to leave (and miss) the reception. Is it possible to hire someone that could pick him up the day off and make sure he is dressed, bring him to the event and then return him home when he is ready? Who could I contact for such services? The last family wedding I went to and brought him, family treated me more like his caregiver than a family member. I was told he was getting tired and I should bring him home now. I remember going to graduation party for a relative of my husband. A neighbor was there and her son had graduated too that day. However she missed it because after getting her elderly mother there, the mother decided she was unhappy and wanted to go home NOW. Neighbor lady took her home and ended up missing seeing her son graduate. That story scared me to death. I did not invite my father to either of my kid's graduations after hearing that story. I could see him doing the same thing.



I got an Aide from an agency for my mom who broke her hip and was in a Rehab. My daughter was getting married and the Aide picked my mom up, brought her to the wedding and took care of everything for my mom and then returned my mom to Rehab. Also we included her in the headcount so she could eat.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to LisaNJ

I see from your profile that your father lives in assisted living. Perhaps the building has an aide you can hire for the day? Do you know the staff well enough to ask someone if s/he wants to earn some extra cash?
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to NYDaughterInLaw

Well. The first thought that sprang to mind was an organisation called Universal Aunts, established 1921, which lingers in the memory as the people "everyone" rang when they needed their children escorted on international flights to and from school, that kind of thing. They are still going and they do also provide companionship and escort services for adults; but there their usefulness to you ends, unfortunately.

However, there is no such thing as a unique service provider; and what one company does, another is bound to be doing somewhere closer to you. Look up customer reviews and testimonials for assistance agencies in your location, then get on the phone and ask. Be very specific about what you want, though, and be careful to confirm that any individual the agency suggests is able and willing to carry out the list of tasks you anticipate.

Worst comes to the worst and you can't find anyone, then alas and alack! - "I'm really sorry but this is all going to be far too much for poor grandpa - let's send him an extra big piece of wedding cake..."
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Countrymouse

If he's a Veteran, call the VA and ask about the friendly visitor program (not sure that's the title, but it's something like it). Or call your Senior Center to see if they have friendly visitor programs. You might be able to find a caring person who enjoys volunteering.

I honestly might find that a better alternative than hiring someone literally sight unseen and unknown through an agency. You don't really have the time to check out that person unless you can have a "meet and greet" meeting first.

You could also arrange to have the event videoed and have a separate little celebration with your father later, maybe even make or bake another cake while watching the video.

You could also call him regularly and update him on the proceedings. Or perhaps someone can bring a laptop and skype with him periodically, or the couple can stop by to visit him before they leave on their honeymoon.

I'm of the opinion that our elders deserve some special attention or accommodations when we plan events. They're losing out on enough life events already.

If you can help him feel as if he's a part of the event, he might be more willing to stay home.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to GardenArtist

I did exactly what NYDIL suggested when my daughter got married in 2014. Mom had been living in an assisted living facility for a little over a year at the time. I first asked the administrator for permission to privately hire one of the staff CNAs to help mom get ready, drive her to the wedding and assist her as needed, I then asked one of my favorites, and she agreed. I paid her more than twice her regular hourly rate since she used her own vehicle. We also arranged for a wheelchair at the wedding venue to make it easier for mom. Although mom did not remember attending the wedding, I was glad she was able to participate in a family event.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to akdaughter

I’ve seen exactly what you describe posted on I hope you’ll find someone and enjoy the wedding!
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Daughterof1930

Some good ideas, I like NYDILs the best. He would be familiar with the aide. And I agree, he would get there and in an hour want to go home. That is why we didn't take Mom to nieces wedding 7 hours away. Her Dementia was progressing, she was incontinent, etc. I wanted to enjoy the day and the weekend. Worst comes to worst, he doesn't go. Will he even remember the event, probably not but you will. You want to enjoy seeing your son marry not be caring for someone. Dad saw his kids married it only fair for you to see yours.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to JoAnn29

Are you a member of a church or other religious group? Some churches have volunteers that will sit with someone.
Some Volunteer groups do things like this, you do have to "pre register or qualify" for the services.
You could also ask in your neighborhood if there is anyone that would be willing to help you out.
Is your Dad living with you currently? If you think the entire day would be a bit much for him you could ask at a Long Term Care Facility like a Memory Care Facility or Assisted Living Facility if they would take him for a Day of Respite and also to "try on" the community if you think there is a possibility that a placement in the future is possible. For something like this you would probably be required to have a Doctor's note saying he is in good health and he would most likely have to have a TB test done prior to being allowed to come in for a day.

Most agency's will have a caregiver come in for a day if that is all you need. As they know down the road you may need more of these respite days. Again they would need to pre qualify him, and they would do no medications unless you pay a higher fee and have a nurse that would be with him.

Personal opinion I would have someone come into where  he is living and sit with him there.  I think the noise, commotion of a wedding and the reception after would be too much and he would be more comfortable at home. 
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Grandma1954

I did not look at your profile so I was unaware when I answered that your Dad is in Assisted Living.
As much as we want all our loved ones to attend events like this at some point it becomes impossible. A large number of people, many that he does not know, many that he can not remember and the stress of trying to recall who he knows, unfamiliar location, upsetting his routine all can spell disaster.
Just as you would not bring an infant to a wedding, graduation or other event it may be best not to bring someone that will be uncomfortable in the situation.
And I am not one to compare an infant with a person with any type of Dementia, mobility issues or other problems. But you have to take all aspects of the person into consideration. You need to do what is best for them.
Will they enjoy the event? Will they become frustrated, irritated, tired?
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Grandma1954

We used Visiting Angels, Cleve, Oh area. Awesome gal, for family wedding.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Ihave1now

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