I want to escape so bad! Mom is the cause as always. Through the years her sour attitude and forever depression has taken a huge toll on my Soul. She says she loves me and that I am her “Angel” but her selfishness, and snarky words and attitude concerning my life makes me doubt it. I am just her broom to be taken out when a chore needs to be done or she wants something. Oh, how I wish she would love me for me! Who am I anymore though? I guess just a caregiver, a nobody, a person not allowed to have dreams unless they involve a “what to do about mom.” How will she react? What will the payback be? She has emptied me of joy and peaceful thought. I’m in a pit of exhaustion and endless anxiety. How can my mother who supposedly loves me push me into this state. I don’t know what to do to guard myself against her control. Am I weak, or stupid, or just vulnerable. I do wish I could harden my heart against her just a bit. She is 90, I am a 62 woman, a wife of 42 years, and a mother of 2 wonderful adults.
I’ve been dealing with her endless “situations” for over 30 years.