Is it bad to not want to get together with family for Easter?

HI Nugget - I totally understand how you feel. I experienced the same feeling as you described this year regarding Passover. The family dynamic has drastically changed in the last few years...there was a time that I remember sitting at a Passover seder and looking around at all of the faces at the table and feeling such an incredible feeling of peace and happiness being there - and for my family - these occasions meant everything to me. It couldn't be more opposite now - the most meaningful family members that I felt closest to have each passed away - it's become a small family now and what's left is just dysfunction after a host of family issues. So there were no seders this year - I didn't observe the holiday and it was a sad night for me - I had to continually push back my thoughts and emotions and snapshot memories coming to mind of very special moments of sedar nights from the past - when the family was in a very different place. Just know that you are not alone in your feelings - I'm sending you lots of love and great wishes for an easy, peaceful day ...and I hope the day's outcome is much better than you anticipated. XO

Nugget3268: I suggest that you keep it as simple as possible and if you can't do it, then don't. My father passed away abruptly at age 50 on Good Friday in 1967 so Easter is hard for me, too. Hugs and love sent. To tell you the honest truth, I'm feeling sad this year myself.

Create your own holiday. Take the time to walk and pray, away from family, if that's what you need.

Seems like you have some grief work that is not completed. Consider talking to a counsellor or joining a grief group to deal with these stress-filled feelings that come around Easter.

So Nugget how did ur Day go.

I was looking forward to a nice peaceful Easter without the in laws, but they insisted although so was at work.

I know Easter is already over, and I hope you were able to enjoy it. My husband and I have taken in my mother ( at her request) for about a month now. We have lived next door to my parents for over 30 years. For the most part it has been positive , but since my dad died, it has been much more difficult, and we, of course have always born the brunt of being taken for granted because we are the closest ones. I am the youngest of four. I am her DPOA, trust executor, emergency contact, and caretaker. My sister and brother in law are helpful too, but live 4 hours away. My brother is close, but is less helpful. Our family dynamics are perhaps typical: each one of us has been “assigned” a role and it seems impossible to get out of those pigeon holes. My role was/is that of “the B*****”. My entire life, I have been labeled this. My mom has a very cynical, snarky sense of “humor” and has always humiliated me with cruel comments. I won’t list them, but since I started taking care of her when the pandemic started ( have taken two leaves of absences to protect her from COVID and to care for her after a fall) I have told her all of the things she said to me as a child/teen that hurt me. She has never apologized. Anyway, long story short….back to Easter…, I asked my brother to come stay with mom for an hour or two the Saturday before Easter ( which he was invited to) so that I could go pick up the food. He hesitated and said ok, but felt the need to lecture me on the fact that he “has a life too, ya know!”
and how he hasn’t had a weekend in three weeks! I tried to contain myself, but he continued with such comments and I lost it! We had a loud argument, I told him not to bother coming over on Saturday nor on Easter. As soon as he left he called my mom and whined to her.
I could hear him because she had him on speakerphone and I have two monitors on at all times to hear my mom if she needs help. I told her what he said about his “life” and she defended HIM
and told ME to “grow up! “. (I am 60, he is 62) He does the least, gets the most, and it has always been that way. I attempted to talk with my mom about this twice and both times it did not turn out well. She does not see me and she does not hear me, nor does she acknowledge or appreciate all that my husband and I do for her. She takes, he takes, and yet I am the one taking care of her! Ironically, right after this happened the AL where she was on a waiting list called with an opening. So far, she is willing to go there, we have about two weeks to get things ready for her to move. Fingers crossed she will not change her mind. I will never kick her out. I have an unreasonable sense of duty and obligation, but I’m not sure we can do this long term. As it is, the AL facility is near our house so we will still be doing the bulk of anything she will need. It is sad that our relationship has to be this way, But reading the posts here, narcissistic, self absorbed, and manipulative mothers seem to be the norm. And favoritism of sons over daughters ( who do the work ) as well.
It helps to know this, but is so wrong nevertheless. Thanks for listening! I tried to restrain myself because there is soooooo much history here. Take care.

Some people don’t benefit from being around family at holidays. Sometimes it’s wonderful just to be alone. You don’t own anyone an explanation, just say you need a day to relax or take care of yourself. Then do it.