Is it acceptable to ask Grandma's POA for a small salary? - AgingCare.com

Is it acceptable to ask Grandma's POA for a small salary?

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Grandma lives with me and other family members in their house. Grandma only pays for the cost of her groceries, medication, gas money, and what she uses in electricity. She does not pay rent. I take care of her pretty much 24/7 and do not get paid. I don't pay rent or anything else. I suffer from social anxiety so I was not working before taking care of Grandma. As of the last few months, Grandma has become a pain to take care of. Her doctors want her to get up and move around every two hours, preferably every hour. She can't remember this and I have to go tell her. She keeps me up at night with her moaning and sometimes wakes me up early needing help in the bathroom. I cannot go to bed before her because I have to put her to bed or she'll stay up all night. I rarely get my eight hours of sleep. This is taking a toll on me mentally as I keep doing stupid things like putting an ice tray in the microwave rather than the freezer. I'm also always having to clean up after her. She's always managing to get crumbs in the carpet, she sometimes accidentally throws her disgusting tissues on the floor, she deliberately throws her tissue boxes on the floor (she goes through two to three per week). She sometimes gets poop on the toilet seat and pee on the floor. Basically, it's a bunch of little annoying things. And sometimes she treats me like a personal servant that is expected to drop everything whenever she wants something. I find that I'm a different person now and others are noticing. I feel like if this is what I have to put up with to keep Grandma out of assisted living that she doesn't want to go back to, then I should at least receive a small salary. One family member said I should get $100 a week, but I came up with $200 a month. Should I ask to get paid and if so, how much? By the way, depending on what I got paid, a portion of it would go to the animals that my family/househould rescues and cares for. It would go to their veterinary expenses and food. The rest would most likely be put into my savings account. I'm not a spender, I'm a saver.

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Mejjy,It sounds like you've been struggling with this *getting paid* issue for the two years you've been stuck with this job.

If you truly suffer from debilitating social anxiety, you should be deemed disabled. Thus receiving SSI payments monthly, that would also includes Medicaid and food stamps. 

If this were the case, you would be able to contribute to the household and can choose whether or not you want to continue to be GMA's caregiver.

If you do not financial contribute, but continue to live rent free, eat, use electricity and internet, cable, heat and hot water, then no, your contribution to Mom's home is caring for her Mom.

Adults pay their own way, somehow.

If your family thinks differently, then ask for caregiving payment already. 

Why haven't you addressed this with GMA's POA? Or have you? 

You've been answered, repeatedly here, for over two years. What more can anyone here offer you?

The next move is yours.

 If you need to vent, feel free. If you need caregiving suggestions, by all means, ask.

However, right now your beating a dead horse. 

Why not have a conversation with your family and POA. Come back and tell us what happened so we can take it from there. Then we can help beyond this two year long starting point.

Good luck.
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Reply to Pepsee
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I've been taking care of Grandma for two years. I'm in my 30s.
She can actually afford $100 a week, I just don't want to seem like I'm taking advantage of her.

I also worry about legal stuff. She's gonna have to start paying an extra $200 a month ($400 total) for medicine, groceries, etc. (her new medication costs $200). But if I charge her $400 a month for salary, it makes me worry even more about legal stuff.

Would I have to report the salary to the IRS or anyone else? Do I need to get a contract? The POA is not gonna want to be bothered by getting a legal contract or anything like that. I don't distrust him, but I just want my butt covered. I don't want it looking like all this money ($600-$800 a month) is a gift. I do keep track of what I buy for her.
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Mejjy, have you posted before? Your comment about social anxiety "rang a bell" with me, and I recalled a similar post.
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Reply to GardenArtist
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How old are you? How many years have you been doing this?

I think you should be paid a LOT more than even $100/week. And what happens as Grandma's needs increase? You should get more at that point.
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Reply to CTTN55
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I very firmly believe that EVERYONE who cares for an elder should be paid. I believe this for a person from an agency or a kind neighbor or a family member. Now a family member may not get the market rate -- there may be significant "family discount" involved, but the elder should pay something. And this should be set up properly with tax withheld, etc.

I think $200/month is extremely low, but if that is all GM can afford it is better than nothing. If she can reasonably afford $100/week, that would be better. It is still way, way below market value. If she has the money, what is she doing with it? She can't take it with her! And leaving it to relatives means you are working for free not for GM's benefit but so heirs will get a little more. Is that what you intend?

It doesn't matter what you spend the money on. Rescue animals? Fine. Nice vacations a few times a year? Fine. Saved for travel after GM dies? Fine. Your money, your decisions. What you intend to spend it on has nothing to do with whether you deserve it (you do) and how much GM can afford.
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