I want to get on with my life. What do I do about my 82 yr old mother with no memory?

Follow
Share

My mother is almost 83 yrs old. I am 49 and my son is 17. He has been with me since his mother left when he was almost 4. I started my own contracting company at that time so I had the freedom to pick him up and drop him off to school etc. My step father passed away 3 yrs ago and since then my mother has gone downhill. She was always difficult but now its become almost unbearable. My son and I moved in to her house because it was simply costing me too much to drive the miles and miles that I was in the first 2 yrs following her husbands death. My business has gone in the toilette and I have run out of money. I now just do everything for my mother in between continuing to raise my son. An example of my mothers forgetfulness is as recent as today. She went into town to pick up her dogs food and some other items. She came home with nothing after being gone for 2.5 hrs. I even made her a list (which she didn't read). I make all her meals and fix everything in her house. I changed her oil yesterday. Today she forgot. She says incredibly mean things to me and behind my back. I am so tired of looking after others while my life goes unattended. My relationship of 4 yrs ended 2 yrs ago when I was busy working and raising my son and looking after my mother. I have no idea what to do. My brother hasn't spoken to or seen my mother in 30 yrs and my sister drinks a lot and gets very angry with her and is now "out of the picture". Its all on me and I have little left to work with. I want to get on with my life. Back to my life. Hell...I just want a life !! Can someone help me figure out what to do ??

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
2

Answers

Show:
If you are living in her house with your son and relying on her to a certain extent, I would consult with an Elder Law attorney regarding options, so you can plan for the future. If your mother needs Medicaid at some point, the fact you have lived there and cared for her, may impact how the state approaches the home, if she owns it. There are just so many things to consider when comtemplating getting someone help, especially, if she needs financial assistance. And if she's private pay, there are things to consider as well.

Do you handle bills for her, attend doctor appointments, etc? Are you the Durable POA? I'd inquire about this from the attorney as well.

I'd encourage her to explore medical treatment, so the reason for her behavior might be explained. I'd keep in mind that it could be something out of her control making her to be agitated or disagreeable. Until that is figured out, I'd drive for her, just in case.  If she is having cognitive problems, driving could be dangerous for her and the public. 
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

You deserve a life! Absolutely. Has your mother been diagnosed with dementia or any cognitive issues? Can your mother afford in-home help? Would she qualify for Medicaid?

This poor lady needs help. It doesn't have to come from your hands. Locating help, arranging for it, supervising it is a big enough job. I'm not claiming that will be easy, but once it is in place, work on getting back on your feet. Find a job. Find a new place to live.

If you had asked four years ago, my advice would have been the same. Care for your mother from a distance and focus on your relationship and your life (and your son's, of course). You can't get those years back, but you can salvage your future. You have a lot of years ahead of you. It is not too late to have a life.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.