I just moved California for Michigan to help out with my my mother, I'm all she has. She is 78, very very angry all the time and now is physically violent I don't know what to do.

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Physical violence is never acceptable, whether it's your mother dishing it out or someone else, and despite having dementia or Alzheimer's. Physical violence is not okay. Period.

Next time she gets violent, call 911 like MacinCT said, and get her a psych eval, for both of your sakes. Then start researching Memory Care ALFs so you can sell her house & get her placed. This is likely to be WAY more than you can handle on your own.

Good luck!
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to lealonnie1

The violence is a hard STOP. Meaning call 911 and ask for the Baker Act. She will be held in the hospital for a couple of days to get a psych eval. She should not be able to refuse this eval. From there treatment should follow. This could mean some trial and error. For some it may require some longer term care in a psych unit. This will not be a nursing home unless she stays compliant once on proper meds.
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Reply to MACinCT

I am sorry your Mother is having problems. Whether it is Alz, a different dementia, a difficult personality or just normal grumpiness at aging. If Mother can no longer live alone then she can no longer live alone.

This never means an adult child must become her 24/7 person on call.

What was the reason you came back to care for her?
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Reply to Beatty

Looking at the OP's profile.

She moved to California from Michigan in September, having packed her own home into storage, taking her dog and two cats to go and live with her mother. Her mother is 78 and has age-related decline. Shelly believes that her mother has Alzheimer's disease because Shelly's uncle and great-aunt both died from it.

Before moving to California Shelly was aware that she and her mother had never been close.

It's not going well.

Shelly, is turning round and going home to Michigan not an option for you?

I'm sorry you haven't been better received by your mother, but being all that someone has is not always sufficient grounds for a good relationship. And the trouble is that although being very angry can be a sign of mental ill health, it can just as well be a sign of being extremely annoyed with someone who has moved in with you uninvited. Bringing her dog. And her cats.

Could you say just a bit more about what has happened since you arrived in September?
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Reply to Countrymouse

Shelly, you need to start someplace, and the best place to start is a physical exam; you need first to rule out an acute UTI which can cause radical mental changes. You will need then to see that there is a recommend for a mental evaluation, a neuro-psyc exam to see if you are dealing with some modicum of mental illness of dementia.
I don't know how impulsive your decision was to completely upend your life, give up your job and move into the home of your mother. Were you aware how ill she is? Did you think you would be able to be a 24/7 caretaker for her? Have you done any paperwork toward POA?
If there is no dementia, and just an angry and combative person (only you can assess how radical a change this is in your Mom's personality), then I think you would do well to put that 1,000 of miles between the two of you once again.
A place to start would be that the next time there is a violent outburst the Emergency Service are called with 911 and an ambulance to the ER, where you should ask at once for a Social Worker to be involved while a workup is done for Mom.
Wishing you good luck and hoping you will update us. So sorry you are going through all this.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to AlvaDeer

Some patients w Alz/Dementia can indeed become extremely angry and violent. Even if they were the sweetest, kindest people in the past. And for people that were narcissist, mean all their lives, it gets even worse. I found a few YouTube video's that talk about how to deal w angry/violent patients. One thing I learned was that you have to be on guard and to always be mindful of your approach when caring for them. ie. Keep a position and a distance from them in anticipation of them kicking, striking out and what have you. I would highly suggest for you to reconsider your expectations. Patients in this situation require 24/7 365 day attention. There is no way one person can cover all the bases and keep their own body mind and spirit from being completely assaulted in situations such as this. It is highly difficult for all the staff at a nursing home to deal with this kind of thing. Day in day out.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to eeyore12

I am sorry that you are not being treated well by your mom.

Has she had a physical lately? Is it possible that she has an UTI that is causing her irrational behavior?

If there isn’t a physical or emotional disorder then perhaps you should consider placing her in a facility where she can receive care and you are no longer mistreated.

Best wishes to you.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom

Shellyann, try posting again. Give a short heading, then more information in the next box. You'll get lots of comments then.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen

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