But I just want to know how to handle this attention getting kind of thing. I'm just getting off of the phone with a dr referral that mom got yesterday from her primary. She has been complaining to me about an issue she has had for as long as I can remember. Why these are her favorite subjects, I don't know. So she tells the dr yesterday and she said ok we'll get you set up for a gastro dr and mama says oh after the first of the year!!!
She thinks anything done 'around Christmas' needs to wait.
Well, she is moving in January.
So today she got a call and they had fit her in with an appt for the rectal surgeon for Dec 18. I was on the phone and mom started with this in February and not wanting to do anything until after the first of the year.
So I handed her the phone so she could handle it and she ends up saying she would call them back to let them know. She hangs up looks at me and says-do you know which dr that was??
I told her the appt is 3 weeks away. And she keeps telling me about her symptoms and 'pain' and this and that. Then I explained I might not be availible to take her. And she says well it's (the condition) has been there a long time so she could wait.
btw, when at the dr visit yesterday-all of her vitals were normal and she kept on trying to get them to see 'how bad off she was'
Same thing at the cardiologist. She just could not get any sympathy. I told cardio dr she had sleep apnea and he said he was setting her up with a referral and mama says make it next year. He said the contraptions (my term) are much smaller and easier to handle and that she would definitely feel a lot better. She will not want this but I gave it a shot anyway.
Does it seem like she doesn't want to get better?
After we left we ran other errands and I did a lot of the leg work with her being contrary the whole time and when she tells her sister that I did really a whole lot of nothing I wanted to scream.
Another question I probably know the answer to, am I obligated to help her move since usually when I try to keep things organized she has something to say about it and it's not good. And she always asks me should she take this, or would I take that? Then when I give an answer-well f me, she wants to argue about my answer.

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She does realize that after the first of the year she starts over with her Medicare deductible, right? I have a doc appointment scheduled for almost every third day in the month of December, lol!
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Rbuser1 Nov 26, 2019
I doubt it. I'm going to let this one ride. She was complaining tonight in every other thing she said-and finally said that complaining made her feel better. I said well it doesn't make me feel better to listen to it. That ticked her off and she moaned that much louder when she went into her bedroom. And she is short of breath and nurse at dr office said oxygen was at a perfect level. Ekg at heart drs was Good.
Oh well, now I'm repeating myself.
Thank you for the suggestions. I wish she did have some older persons she could sit around and bitch and complain with. I'm getting tired of my own complaining on here.
My mother loves loves LOVES getting attention from lots of doctors, which is why I have her signed up with ONE primary care physician who sees her for EVERYTHING; one stop shopping at its finest! I've taken her to the ENT for vertigo treatments and that's about IT for the past few years, thanks to putting my foot down about the ONE doctor rule.

While you're not obligated to help her move, someone will have to, so maybe look into a moving company. Help her throw everything she owns into boxes, tape em up, and out they go...........along with her.

As long as you give your mother an audience, she will continue to be a melodrama star. Look into the Gray Rock technique Barb is recommending and get yourself OFF of the roller coaster ride mother wants to keep you on for life. It's up to YOU how much more of this nonsense you're willing to take. Ask yourself that question & proceed accordingly. Remember: it takes TWO to tango.
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Rbuser1 Nov 26, 2019
It does take two. And I do gray rock and I do go in my room and read or watch tv, but it is impossible when she asks me leading questions again and again and again. What do I think about this, what should she do about that? She doesn't remember where she puts stuff and when I ask her, well ya just don't. But let her get on the phone to someone and she can repeat what I said word for word. She can recite every single thing we did and what I said I was going to do. How I said it, ect.
So, the roller coaster ride will go on for another month or so. Because I can't duct tape her mouth shut I have to deal with it.
Sorry I don't want to be rude to anyone here, know I need to hang back for a little.
take care friends
Barb, I do gray rock quite a bit but not meaning to sound defeatist I would have to literally be gray rock all my waking hours.
Geaton, I have her healthcare POA and HIPAA. The surgeon office called her phone and I answered -this office doesn't have my number. They were just following through with Mom's primary. And it happened so fast that dear Mom said you didn't ask me. Meaning-I am wrong for trying to do right. So next year it is, meanwhile she will accuse me of not caring about her anyway.
Ramping up my gray rock technique.
Her primary is aware of what is happening and there is little she can do if mom refuses to follow through with receiving further care. Dr. asked mom yesterday if she minded asking me if I had anything to add. Right, like I'm going to add anything with Mom sitting there, it will be on the down low like you suggested Geaton.
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Have you ever heard of Grey Rock technique? Google it. It's what you need to do.

You mother, it seems, just want to complain and have someone agree that it's all terrible. Try making sympathetic noises and little else.
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I may be helpful for you to take her to her primary doc and have her/him give her a cognitive exam. You can do this discreetly by passing the staff a note prior to her going into the exam room. Your mom may have the beginnings of dementia, and not "attention getting" behaviors. At that same appointment also request she get tested for a UTI, which can mimic or worsen dementia symptoms. Hopefully your mom has all her legal ducks in a row prior to a diagnosis: durable PoA, Healthcare Directive, signed HIPAA waivers for you at each doctor's office, etc. Blessings!
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