I was told yesterday by someone who worked in Geriatics they thought my Father is not that ill he is faking it and manipulating. He started in again last night. It seems to me that if he cannot get to me he get's to my Son.
My Son, who is 10 is seeing this. When My Father is givien a small task he seems to make an issue out of it. Last night he was asked to cook a small meal for my Son. HE seemed in a good mood. HE will offer my Son noodles or pancakes regardless of what is here. It is not all the time, but at least once a week. HE will then say there is nothign else to cook (even if there is). HE then tries to argue over mundane things and my Son is picking this up.
My SOn's anxiety ahs been way high and upon talkign to my Dad several times abotu the elevated voice, the yelling, and the arguing, he continues. I have tried to purchase items that my Son can cook for himslef but now we are out.
IT seems to me that if my Dad does nto want to do soemthing he creates an issue. HE did say last night he wanted to cook but coudlnt' see items in the Pantry and insited (i was nauseas as hecK) he coudl nto see any food. HE took over and hour and a half and got up out of his chair once, to see what there was and offered my Son, food he did not eat. IT then reverted to, "I am nto getting up you get up and SHOW ME." I knew the game and refused.
The pantry was stocked. To try and minimize my SOns' stress I offered him and omelet. Dad had ate all the margarine and instead of getting more or writing it down on a list as I had suggested, we were out. That seems to happen more than not. HE will eat something, finish it off and not write it down. If he does write it down he does not show me, or does not pick it up.
I do not think the issue is food. I think my Father want's me responsible for everything. HE wants to sit and be fed. HE also neglects personal affairs (financial and doctoral) until I do them. The majority of the day he sits. HE does nto handle bills. HE does not handle personal affairs. I do not want to enable.
If my Son wasn't' present, I could handle these things in a different manner. IT seems when my Son is home that is when my Father makes waves. The majority of the day (when my Son is not home) he does not do this.
I am trying to figure out how to minimize my Son's exposure without having to leave the home as my SOn needs his routine. My Fahter has now gone to extremes with purposely making messes, not picking them up, and instigating arguments.
I have asked him to please go to the Library at night. I am concerned about my Son's anxiety. My Son has even talked to my Dad about behaviors and how upset he get's and last night my Son actually asked my Father to stop and he carried on.
I think the woman who worked in Geriatrics. who has heard the bulk of what my Father does believes it is more manipulation as he is miserable and wants to bring every one else down. He has been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.
Does anyone have any coping skills that I can use for myself or to minimize the anxiety my Son has over my Father's behavior without having to live in a separate residences?
I have tried ignoring my Father, but it seems he just does other things to get a response out of me or it seems to create an argument. I cannot grasp the fact that my Father wants to upset my Son. I do not get it.
Please try and be a little gentle on responses as at this point I am extremely upset. I think my Son comes home from school expecting to get upset. This concerns me greatly.
On another note; My Father promised my Son he would not behave in the certain manners (yelling, fighting, etc.) However he continues to do so. I am aware it takes two to argue, so I try my best to bite my tongue. However the smallest things that I say lead into a debate when my Father is upset. I try very hard not to debate back (around my Son) and I think my Dad knows this and makes every effort to get me to respond.