My mother has some anxiety related dementia after extensive testing with a neuropsychologist. She is supposed to do things, certain processes to help calm her down when anxious but doesn't follow them. I cannot handle this stress in the middle of a divorce, lawsuit, PT from an accident, work, trying to get my house ready to sell, etc.

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Yes, meds. She probably doesn't remember anything said to her after a few minutes. Shame on the doctor for not recognizing this.
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Who told you she has "anxiety related dementia"?

It sounds to me like the has "dementia related anxiety".

The only thing that helped my mom with this was meds. No amount of reassurance, soft music, round the clock aides--NOTHING helped.

Meds did.

Get her to a geriatric psychiatrist for an evaluation of her mental health.
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I know this sounds silly--but if she has only "mild" dementia--perhaps you could make her a reminder chart of things she's supposed to do.

One of things I am sure she's NOT supposed to do is make 12 phone calls per day to you--maybe you can write down "Call X one time per day. X will call ME one time per day."

If her dementia is too far gone, she won't be helped by this. Perhaps something to treat the anxiety? I know when my anxiety rears its head, I'm not good for anything at all. Sounds like you could use something too, poor lady, an awful lot on your plate.

{{Hugs to you}}
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I wonder if she calls you that often because she feels like she's in need or if she forgets that she called you previously.

You don't have to answer all of those calls. Let many of them go to voicemail and then at the end of the day you can call her back. Since she has dementia telling her that you're working or dealing with x, y, or z won't make much of a difference.

Set boundaries.
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Dear MaureenG

Of course you can’t handle all this and your mom is having a tough time too! Too much for anyone.

Tell us more about your mom. I see she’s living at home. Are you also her caretaker? Are you her DPOA? With dementia I would think it would be hard to remember the processes she is supposed to be using.

Perhaps her dementia is more advanced than her doctor thought. Do you have any help with caring for her? Would it be possible to get her to move to an assisted living while you are dealing with all that you mentioned?

It sounds like you will have to set some boundaries with the phone calls. Perhaps you can block her number or send her calls to VM except for once or twice a day.

Give us more information about your mom for more appropriate answers.
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Does she have a care giver? If not maybe that would help. Getting old is scary and
dementia makes it harder to deal. Isolation can also feed anxiety, is she in AL or
memory care? It might make a difference for her to be around others and put your
mind at ease.

Good luck, make sure you take care of yourself as best as you can. Sounds like an
insanely stressful point in your life. ((((hugs))))
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