Worries gone wild? - AgingCare.com

Worries gone wild?

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As caregivers, we observe and hear all the time about our parents having worries. But what about the Caregiver's worries and fears that may or may not have come true?
For example, no one allowed inside the home, no in-home caregivers, handyman, or repairs allowed.
My own recent experience with needing help has showed me that my concerns were actually over-the-top!
The kitchen sink was so bad in my mind, that I was afraid to dig it out and really assess the problem. I imagined leaks, black mold growing, possible mice. The garbage disposal did leak, into a bucket, creating rusty water. My dH no longer able to make trustworthy repairs, and my worry preventing me from taking positive action.
The truth was more like it was really clean under there, no damage, clean wood, no pests whatsoever. We have a new sink, garbage disposal, and fawcett! It was free from the Senior Center Handiworker program. I swallowed my pride, filled out the fearsome paperwork, and here I am to remind other caregivers: Do not worry, do not fear!

Meeting these trustworthy people has changed my life!

What is worrying you today?

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Send, thanks for sharing your good insight into the worries and fears that can plague us. My own feelings are that caregiving creates such a higher level of care, of potential accidents, tragedies, unforeseen events, that we spend more time in a fight or flight stage. Being "on alert" so much more frequently and consistently takes a toll on our emotional and physical health.

You might find Robert Sapolsky's "Why Zebras don't get Ulcers" to be amusing. He's a nationally known researcher and I believe a professor, with a unique way of addressing very complicated medical and psychological issues.

I am glad that the sink situation is resolved, to your satisfaction and without the potential horrors. You're not alone. I was thinking the other day that the number of potentialities about which I fret and worry have increased dramatically in the last few years, concurrent with my father's decline.

Honestly, I don't even want to go into what's worrying me today - there are just too many to name! I'm trying to be more rational and create solutions, because worrying only increases my anxiety. If I focus on the positive, and assuming that I have limited brain capacity (!), then the negative is either balanced out or decreased.

But I do understand where you've been on this issue.
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Reply to GardenArtist
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I think that's the problem in caregiving, do we give them what they want (to sit on a chair wasting away) or what they need (at least the minimum of a healthy lifestyle). Keeping them mobile and in (reasonably) good health is important for their QOL in the long run, but not so much if they are leaving us shortly. If only we had a crystal ball.
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Reply to cwillie
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Yes, JoAnn, it would be nice.
My neighbor led by example, got the services, and encouraged me go do the same when the water heater b u r s t e d . Guess at that moment, my choices were limited. Even then, I tried to convince myself of the many unrealistic ways we could live without hot water. LOL, that took 2 extra weeks to work through!

I believe there is a therapy that takes  a person through step-by-step "What is the worst thing that can happen?" Then asks:  Then what, then if that happens, then what? Then what?
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Reply to Sendhelp
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Right Garden Artist! I was thinking of alleviating other's worries by focusing on what may be positive outcomes rather than a focus on the worry that is preventing others from getting the help they need.
Similar to getting it out of your head, and on to a positive plan of action. Just plow through the fears and go ahead kind of thing. Stop procrastinating - do it anyway.
Baby steps for the worried.

Thank you so much for your comments, and the recommendation!  You are exactly right when we need to become hypervigilant due to very real needs of our loved ones.  I think that I will be enjoying Robert Sapolsky' s book entitled "BEHAVE".
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I am worried that I am making Mom do things that make me feel better and really don't do that much to improve her life. For example: I nag her to exercise since she has recently broken both a tibula and hip. She is not really into exercise but I push her to do it anyway (sometimes to no avail!) I want her to take a shower every other day. Necessary? Probably not. It is not like she works up a sweat doing exercises! I mean, seriously, how much more mobile is she going to be at age 88? No triathalons in her future, for sure. I want her to be able to walk to the bathroom when she needs to and be able to get up and walk around. Does she want that? I'm not sure. She said the other day that she would really like to just sit in her recliner and watch TV. I have given up my home, my significant other and my life to try to make hers better. I truly don't think I'm making that much difference. That worries me.
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Reply to texasrdr22
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What a refreshing, uplifting post! Thank you! Worries do run rampant. You proved that sometimes we need to take the reigns and steer them in a productive direction.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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All of you are so much better at those big worries than I. I am feeling Inadequate.
And, now, I have started to worry that if I did have a crystal ball, it would be cracked.

Was not worried at all when dH and I had to leave town to pick up our loved one at the E.R. Except, the squirrel was not fed, and while we were gone for two days, there was a squirrel who robbed a local 7/11 of M&M' s peanuts! This really happened! Saw it on the news. Hoping it was NOT Ratatouille acting bad.  But we are home now.  Not worried.
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Reply to Sendhelp
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Send, I just spotted this thread otherwise I would have posted sooner.

My worry is that I've gotten so good at pushing my worries to the back of my head to deal with later that soon there will be no more room back there and they will all come pouring out of the front of my head all at once and I won't be able to keep up with them.

But seriously, my Mom's welfare was always my biggest concern and now that she is gone I have to start worrying about me again and I don't really want to do that but it looks like I might have to cause my last Doctor's visit has raised some worry flags for me. I may have no choice anymore. I may have to deal with the extra little spare tire around my middle and my insomnia which are causing health problems. I've got other worries too but I'll start slow and work my way up to them.

Thx for starting this thread Send.
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Reply to Gershun
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Getting worried about being forgetful. But then, I realize most things are better forgotten.
Then, I forget what exactly I was so worried about, and I am left with worry about nothing'

Then, there are those well-meaning persons, some of them singing: "Don't worry, be happy!" OR, "NO WORRIES!"

Hope you brilliant people are enjoying this "Worries Gone Wild" thread.
I have enjoyed your comments.
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Reply to Sendhelp
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Lizzywho,
Validation! It feels good when someone else has seen the same thing! I wasn't dreaming about seeing that s h o p l I f t e r.

Ms.Madge,
Should we put a time limit on the worries? How long can you worry at one time?

Holiday end,
Maybe, you could stay out of the left field?  Thanks for your contribution.  Procrastination does make worries worse.
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