I started caring for my father after my mother's sudden death in May. I find myself losing patience with each passing day.

When my mother was still alive, I would visit my parents every weekend to help with various chores. The first thing my mother would do was complain about how stubborn my father was and how crazy it made her.

We saw how tired and frustrated she was and asked if she wanted help, but she always gave the same response - "I don't want strangers in my house".

Now that I have been caring for my father for the last six months, I understand what my mother was feeling. My father can be infuriating at times. I try to keep calm, but it is becoming increasingly difficult.

I exploded last night - screaming at him that I couldn't take it any more. Luckily, I left the room to regain my composure.

I know we are only human and there is only so much that can be done.

I'm wondering if anyone has any tips on how to be more patient.


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Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was some magic pill or nasal spray that we could use for instant patience.

If there is some caregiver out there who is never impatient, never gets angry, frustrated or burned out...please let them post here and tell us their secret.

I pop off at my bedridden husband, too. Then I feel like crying because I know he can’t help his condition.

You and Dad are most likely still grieving. This in itself is very stressful. If Dad is being belligerent and uncooperative this makes it even worse. Understand that none of us is a born caregiver. Unless we are CNAs or STNAs, we have no idea what we’re doing and fly by the seat of our pants. When our loved ones act like your dad, that makes it even more difficult. It’s ok to lose it. On some level, I think sometimes when our loved ones see we aren’t superhuman, it’s not such a horrific thing. However, if it happens more and more often or if it escalates to something physical,then we need outside help.

You were wise for leaving the room. If it’s possible and Dad is at that level of care, consider a home health aide.
Helpful Answer (1)

I wonder if you also used to find it frustrating that your mother refused help, in spite of the visible wear-and-tear on her.

And I wonder if you might take more care to protect yourself than your mother was prepared to.

The thing is. There are techniques for dealing with stress and burnout, and they are useful to know. But the problem is not your personal shortcomings. The problem is how far your no doubt perfectly good measure of patience, forbearance, understanding and so on are being stretched.

So... *apart* from miraculously transforming yourself, what options would you consider that might help?
Helpful Answer (3)
That is brilliant CM.

Obviously dad needs more help then one person can realistically provide, that's all I can add to CMs response.
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