How not to feel bad, is it wrong?

Follow
Share

So the holidays are fast upon us and once again I wonder what and how the holidays will bring again this year, My mom has had a rough year, SHe has been in and out of hospitals, nursing homes in the last year. I hate the idea that this year she will be alone. I am not sure if I can deal with her as it is, my children (teenagers) dont really want anyhting to do with her , my husband and her, scary thought there, hate one another, my brother cant be around her or there is a fight. I am over whelmed. I know I dont have much time with her and all she is 73 and has demetria and parkinison's disease. She is a hard person to like and drives everyone around her crazy. what do you do when this happens. She has had to give up a lot and I have to tell her sometimes its for the best, but she doesn't listen. I sold the house , threw stuff away and well she asks for everything , I have no idea where its at. She is in a tiny room at a nursing home and always wants more it seesm. I feel bad as it is , plus I am 1 1/2 hrs away from her and cant just run over. How do I not make my self miserable,

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
2

Answers

Show:
We also cleaned mom's house out, and now she varies between thinking it is all still there or fussing over discarded junk she thought was valuable. She does keep asking for clothes and there is not one INCH of space left in her closet or dresser. All her belongings are like a "security blanket" that she wants to keep close. Do NOT and jump in the car and run at every call. Dementia wants other people to jump and run, it makes them feel in control. Dementia hoards things. Dementia takes the sugar packets at a restaurant and stuffs them in her purse. Just because.
Blame yourself? Heck no, your turn is coming, you will do this to YOUR kids, and you won't even know you are doing it. That is the single blessing of dementia; you don't know you have it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

It is hard; I deal with similar feelings with my dad. He is challenging to be around but I feel so bad about everything he's lost. I've tried to find ways to talk to him that distract him from his obsessions. For example instead of responding to Mom when she asks about things she's lost, can you change the subject to something that may bring her a brief smile? If you try to reason with her, convince her that "sometimes its all for the best," if your experience is anything like mine, she'll forget everything you said in an hour or a day and all your energy expended will be for nothing. It is a hard situation but you have to preserve your sanity. Can you designate a day or a few hours to spend with her around the holidays, where you go for a drive or do something she chooses that would be fun and carefree? That way she has something to look forward to.

Don't be hard on yourself; you are doing everything you can! Sounds like having Mom around your family would be hard on everyone and wouldn't necessarily make her happier, either.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions