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I have recently been told by more than one friend or relative that being able to care for my MIL in my home is a "Blessing." I am having some trouble seeing it that way. Do they mean that I am fortunate to be healthy enough myself to be able to provide this care? I really want to feel this blessing. How do I get there?

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The blessing is for HER that you are hopefully mentally and physically able to be all or part of her care team. Honestly the time I feel blessed is when mom can help care for herself (it be thank you Jesus) or I’ve done something to help her have a good day (still involves mom being able to help me help her). When she is having a not so good day, I don’t feel blessed. The times I don’t feel blessed is for example my back is hurting from helping her to stand or sit or what I’ve thought and thought on for her to eat and she refuses.

You my dear are the blessing! Be blessed.
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Arlyle Jun 2019
Thank you for your kind thoughts.
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I agree. A blessing? Not sure that’s the terminology I would use to express my caregiver feelings. I am sure that placing my Mom in a facility one day ( if I had to) would not be a blessing either.
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Clueless people. It maybe a blessing for MIL that she has family willing to care for her. But for the caregivers Dementia is no blessing.

I was thinking the other day, if my Mom had come to live with me and her illness was just aging decline, then would have been so different. She could have toileted herself. She may have needed help getting into shower but she could have washed herself. I would had to worry about what she was doing while I slept. My Mom was an easy person to get along with. But no, that mean old Dementia set in. Then it was never knowing what she would do next.
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Oh I like the one that says “there is no such thing as a problem. Just the opportunity to overcome”. Ha!!’
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To pinch from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (again), you might want to reply:

"This must be some interpretation of the word 'blessing' of which I was previously unaware."

People say stupid things. I am sure you have also been told that caring for MIL is a privilege. It is in this kind of context that irony is so useful. I offer you this exchange as a reminder of how to do it

- I don't see a problem, I see an opportunity!
- I think this may prove to be an insoluble opportunity.

Describe to your friends and relatives - and to us on the forum too :) - what form these blessings take. E.g. "MIL blessed us with another all-night entertainment this weekend."

And don't forget to tell them they're welcome to share these blessings any time.
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Arlyle Jun 2019
I like the way you think. Thank you.
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Of course it isn't a blessing by any stretch of the imagination. The blessing is that you, for now, have the ability to do it.

Some think it a blessing they are still alive and able to be cared for by family. Those people don't have a clue how devastating a situation like this is, both for the elder and the caregiver. At some point the situation will become a curse.

Prepare for the inevitable that one day, and it may be soon that the blessing will be that you are able to place the elder in a facility and give that responsibility away.
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They mean it's a blessing for your mother, most people don't look beyond that to the caregiver.
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Arlyle Jun 2019
I see what you mean. The "Blessing" is for her. Hadn't thought of it that way.
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