My mother-in-law is 98 years old and for the most of time her thinking is clear and very sharp but you throw in some dementia and you have a mess. She is hard to reason with. How do you handle situations like living arrangements where everyone can be happy, healthy, safe and comfortable . Right now she is being selfish and a spoiled brat.

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You need to be realistic about the "happy, healthy etc". I don't think you can make that happen. I have found advice in parenting books to be useful for dealing with stuff like that the spoiled brat situation. If a kid is throwing a tantrum, you walk away and give thm no attention. A psychologist as very useful in helping me learn how to set boundaries and enforce them. My mom thought she could do anything she wanted and this was BEFORE the dementia! As far as reasoning with a person with dementia, don't even try. My mom thought people on the TV could see her. Do you think any amount of reasoning was going to get her to think differently? I told her, if it bothers you, turn off the TV.
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Reply to Toadhall

you got some good answers last time you posted - its important to know that this is a very frustrating disease. and you are likely to be pulling your hair out. there probably are no easy answers. and dementia will keep getting worse. I don't know what to say about a 98 year old acting like a spoiled brat. but I know its hard even if they aren't acting like that. has she seen a dr lately, maybe a geriatric dr?
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Reply to wally003

Childlike behavior is very typical of people with dementia. Her clear and sharp times may be what we call “showtiming” where people with dementia can seem perfectly normal. When she is being petulant and acting like a “spoiled brat”, leave her alone. Don’t try to reason with her because you can’t. Don’t explain that she’s acting like a 2 year old. Provide her with what she needs. Don’t argue or admonish her. But don’t cater to her either.

To be brutally honest, I haven’t seen any posts from people who are living with/caregiving for a person with dementia and say that everyone is happy, healthy, safe and comfortable. It’s a very difficult journey. The people with dementia can make their caregiver’s life a living hell. Help is invaluable, whether it’s family or hired. It helps prevent burnout and makes the whole situation easier to bear.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

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