I've been caring for Dad for two years. He has dementia and is to the point where he doesn't always know who I am, never believes this is his house, fights with me every night that he has to go to work, and all of the other symptoms of dementia. He's well into the severe stage; his disease progressed quickly.
I work FT (from home on the computer) and have moved into his home in another state. I am with him all day and night. I am starting to feel less and less patient. I don't know if it's a phase or not. I snap at him sometimes and then feel awful.
But it's just so exhausting having the same fights, several times a day. Being asked the same questions a thousand times. Cleaning up after him because he refuses to do what I ask (go potty as soon as you get the urge, leave your medicine in the bowl and take them from there, don't line them up on a table and then lose them; take a bite and chew it before you take another one....)
I know this isn't his fault, but he was always a selfish jerk, so when he does something "stupid" I feel all that old resentment come back. 90% of the time I was patient and kind. The last two weeks, I'm down to 70%.
I'm on my own and finances are tight. I don't want to end up being mean and bitter. But I'm not sure we can afford a nursing home, so I'm trying to hang in there as long as I can. (FYI, Medicaid or other aid are not an option.)
Where is the tipping point with this? Do I keep going until the situation is totally unbearable? Do I give up now and pray he won't hate me and that I can find the money (his brother lasted 5 years from the obvious onset)? Is it ever right to consider your health and sanity over theirs? I love him and I want the best for him. It just feels like I can't give my best these days.
When I try to bring up the subject, he doesn't want to go. I can't blame him; I wouldn't want to go either.
Is there an ideal time to admit him to a nursing home? Before he completely loses touch with reality so he can get used to it...or after? Has anyone ever heard from an expert on this?
Maybe I'll feel better soon. But what if I don't?