My mother has been living with my husband and myself for two years. She is feeble with health care concerns but does not have dementia. She cares for her own personal hygiene. I shop and cook for her and take her to appointments for doctors, physical therapy, hair, spa, manicures, etc.
Much of the time she is so difficult with me. I feel that she plays passive aggressive games with me, and despite my attempts to not let her push my buttons, it gets to me. The things she does don't sound major and probably make me sound petty but hour after hour and day by day they add up. It's death by a million paper cuts. I feel like a marionette and she's pulling the strings.
I try to understand that she is unhappy and probably depressed, although she refuses to acknowledge that possibility. She is excellent at behaving like everything is great when talking to doctors and folks outside our home. I do my best to be kind, meet her needs and help her live a happy, healthy life, but I don't know how much more I have to give.
I have two siblings who do not live in the area. They call her every week but don't provide any real instrumental support. When I talk to them, they comment on how good our mother sounds. They deflect any of my attempts to discuss the difficulties in caring for her. I understand they don't want to hear my complaints but it makes me feel very alone.
My husband is totally supportive and helpful and I am so grateful. I don't know how I could survive this without him.
I feel so much anger and resentment. Sometimes I don't know if I am angry at my mother, my siblings or myself for letting this all get to me. I just know that I am full of negative feelings and have to fight to keep from blowing up or feeling sorry for myself. I guess I am just having a bad couple of days (or weeks or years). Thanks for allowing me to vent.