I took on the responsibility of caring for my mom and it is more work than I thought. I want to place her in a nursing home. What can I do if she refuses? - AgingCare.com

I took on the responsibility of caring for my mom and it is more work than I thought. I want to place her in a nursing home. What can I do if she refuses?

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My mom had a stoke a year ago and she is paralyzed on the right side. I took on the responsiblity of her care and it's more work than I thought. I found open sores on her and called the ambulance, she refuses to go and they can't make my mom go, it's called kidnapping. My mom has bed sores because she refuse to move on her side and she refuses to allow me to clean her completely. She has run house, calls doctors away and refuse aides to touch her. I want to place her in a nursing home, she told me to let her die.

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Did you call the ambulance back?
If not, Is your mother eating and taking in fluids? Is she able to pee and poop?
Either way. perhaps you could call hospice for an evaluation. If she meets the criteria for hospice and doesn't want the hospital, hospice can treat her sores and make her more comfortable. I know you are ready for her to leave. You need at least respite care. A year is a long time of caring for someone in your moms condition. If hospice could get her in a different frame of mind, she could always come out of hospice.
If hospice says she doesn't meet the criteria then you could tell her that you are not dying anytime soon. But you are going to be in a world of pain if you don't get these sores taken care of soon. Try to shift her focus from dying to avoiding pain. Is she unable to feel the sores because of the paralysis? I hope you find a way to take action soon. No, I hope you already have.
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Dementia can appear after a stroke. Other than her irrational refusal of help, does she have signs of dementia?
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If she hasn't been declared incompetent and you are not her guardian, you really can't tell her where to live. But you do have authority to say who lives in your house. If you had to, you could go through the eviction process. Then she'd have to leave (escorted by a sheriff), but whether she goes to a nursing home is up to her.

Much better is what others are suggesting about getting her to the ER or admitted to a hospital. And that is the time you say to the medical staff (social worker if possible) that you can no longer care for her in your home. She cannot be released to your care. You'll have to be prepared for a lot of pressure. Just keep repeating that she cannot be released to your care.

Since it is almost impossible to get Mom even to the ER maybe the Baker Act approach would be best. The next time she is acting up or mentions dying, call for an ambulance. They can take her against her will at that point, and, as Midkid58 says, they can hold her against her will up to 72 hours. They can keep her longer if she consents and they have a treatment plan and they may release her earlier if they can't provide care. Be very firm about not taking her home. You cannot meet her needs. She cannot be released in your care. Do you have a nursing home in mind? They probably call a list till they find an open bed. They could start with your choice.

Is it very evident that she cannot live on her own? One side paralyzed and bed sores ought to be evidence. I mean, it wouldn't be logical to say she must go home with you until she finds an apartment, would it?

Will your mother be able to pay for a nursing home?

Your situation is not uncommon. Would you be willing to post about what you try and how it worked? We learn from each other!
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do you have anyone in the family to help? I don't have much family help but if you did, maybe you could get them involved in getting her to a doctor. does it have to be the ER maybe she could go to walk in or a family dr? sorry. this sounds very very hard. hugs
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Sadly, I agree with worried. If she says she wants to die, or seems suicidal--voicing the wanting to die--you can have her taken (against her will) for a 72 hold. From there you make arrangements to move her to a facility that can care for her. Brace yourself, she's gonna be mad.
Likely she IS very depressed and not "herself". Those bedsores need addressing, and if she truly wishes to die, sooner, rather than later, she'll get her wish.
We've had mother taken "against her will" to the ER several times. If she has fallen, for one. It's not kidnapping. It's caring for an individual.
SHOW the EMT's the sores and such. Being belligerent with hospital personnel doesn't make for a fun stay, but those sores can become septic...and so painful.
Good luck.
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Well if she says she wants to die... Hum I'd call the ambulance and tell them Im worried about her harming herself. That gets her a ride straight to ER and psyche eval.
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