No intimacy.. I'm perfectly alone so I just keep busy. At least I can sleep sometimes.

How old is your husband? How serious was the stroke? If you now consider yourself a caregiver, it must have been serious. Is he verbal, can he communicate? Was he a romantic person prior to the stroke? Is he even able to be intimate? Having the answer to these and other questions would provide more info to help you cope. I'm very sorry for both him and you. His stroke has changed both of your lives. If his stroke was serious he may not even realize your relationship now, his brain is damaged. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you. And it doesn't mean you should love him less. Love never dies. My wife has been gone for almost 3 years now and more than the sexual intimacy, I miss holding hands, snuggling on the couch, and hugging. Have you tried those means of affection? And your not his caregiver only... your still his wife. I understand it's hard for you but now you have to play the hand you've been dealt. Don't be afraid to seek counseling if you need to. I hope you can find acceptance and comfort in the following days.
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Reply to sjplegacy

How long ago did he have his stroke? Maybe you just need to give it more time, as he adjusts to his "new normal". If it was a massive stroke like my husband had many years ago, it does take them a while to adjust to what they've all lost, including the physical and the mental. That's very hard for a man to except, as they are used to being strong and in charge, and when that is taken away, it takes a long time for them to readjust. And because he has all these changes that he's dealing with, intimacy is probably the furthest thing from his mind. That doesn't mean that you still can't have any in time, but it might look very different from what you had before. My husband was never able to perform sexually after his stroke, but he still would hold my hand, kiss me and give me the nicest hugs, when I needed one.
He died 5 weeks ago, and I miss his hugs a lot. Even though he only had use of his left arm, as his right one was paralyzed, and he was bedridden for the last 22 months of his life, he would give me the sweetest and strongest hugs. Hugs that made me feel safe and loved. That is what's called true intimacy.
So hang in there, give it time and give your husband a big hug, while you still can.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
sjplegacy Oct 20, 2020
Dear funky, I'm very sorry for your husband's recent passing. It's been such a short time for you yet I hope you've offered comfort to serenitys feelings of lonliness. "That is what's called true intimacy". Well said. It's those simple acts of love that you mentioned that defines true love and intimacy.
I'm very sorry that your husband has had a stroke. When did this happen? And in what way did the stroke affect him?
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Reply to Countrymouse

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