The family member is in danger of falling (uses a wheeled walker and was hospitalized once), has no sense of danger, has no sense of time (we understand this is not unusual), leaves the oven on and refuses the help of an aide; they have sent nine aides away by yelling 'get out of my house'! My family member is due for their annual appointment with their memory care specialist and insists they won't got. (This is a smattering of what's going on.)
Our family does everything for our family member: all paperwork/bills, shopping, laundry, cleaning/vacuuming, appointments, outings, visiting, etc. but due to the changes in the last couple of months, we/they need help.
Is there a point someone (doctor, etc.) will declare she needs to have 24-hr care? If so, when this happens, what do we, the family, do? If we're told she would be best served by living in a community that services folks like them, what do we do? We feel utterly blind.
Our family member needs more help. What can or do we do? (We are not in a position to use an Assisted Living community; there aren't funds available for this.)
Please... Any input is appreciated. Thank you.
the person that has POA is the one that can get the proverbial ball rolling with getting your family member placed in Memory Care
If NO ONE has POA then at this point the Court will appoint a Guardian. It could be a family member or one the court appoints. Being a Guardian is not an easy task and there is a lot of paperwork involved as well as at least yearly meetings or court appearances.
You all STOP what you are doing for this person.
Your report this person as a "Vulnerable Senior with dementia" and is living alone and is unsafe. APS will follow up and if it is determined that they are unsafe and a danger to themselves they will be placed in a safe environment.
You can begin the application process for Medicaid,.
The house they are in will and should be sold to pay for their care.
There is no way that any family member should be supplementing this person by paying for food, housing and other expenses. Anyone that is "helping" is placing their own retirement in jeopardy and the cycle comes around by other family members having to "bail out" another person. It has to stop!
Let her fail or accept another solution.
When she does go into a nursing home or memory care facility, the family does not pay for this, the care recipient does. When admitted to a hospital for an emergency, there will likely be a social worker who will meet to discuss financial assistance, such as applying for medicaid if the patient doesn't have sufficient resources.
The reason so many here have advised you to stop doing everything for your family member, is because you are giving them a false sense of independence.
They don't think they need outside caregivers, or to live in a facility specially designed to provide for their needs, because the family will continue to allow them to feel secure living at home on their own.
Unfortunately, for many stubborn elders who insist on living alone at home, it will take a serious life threatening emergency to get them out of the house.
If you are concerned about their well-being, you can install a couple cameras around the house to look in on them.
When the emergency does happen, and they are taken to the hospital, DO NOT take them back home. Ask the doctor to refer to a suitable care facility.
The emergency may be that the person dies in their home. That is not the worst thing that can happen. Many people would rather die in their own home than to live out the rest of their days in a nursing home.
I replied that we are doing what she wanted: she doesn’t want my housekeepers to clean her house. She doesn’t want a companion. She doesn’t want elder meals. She doesn’t want me to grocery shop for her. She doesn’t want home health.
She had nothing to say as a reply.
Another family here waiting for the “BIG EVENT”
It sounds like this has gone beyond homecare, and the patient is ready for placement. Assign a guardian. I would let APS handle this. Call and report a vulnerable adult who refuses help.
Don't quit your jobs or move in with your loved one or move them in with you. It is all downhill for you if you do this. You have to make money for your own social security, pensions and such. Don't spend your own money on things she needs.
Back off, let the chips fall where they may.
If need be after you have stopped enabling, call APS. If this person has no money then Medicaid can step in with home help.
Does anyone have the DPOA? If not, this needs to be explored.
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