This breaks my heart to write this but I feel like I am a terrible daughter. My mother really struggles with her memory due to her brain tumor. Often I get flustered with her and tend to take a "tone" with her when repeating the same thing again and again.

All of my life she was a wonderful mother and I love her to pieces. It saddens me to see the disease take away so much from her. Before she got sick, she was always of the "I can't " attitude and would give up quickly on a lot. Now this attitude happens today with her physical therapy. Yet she needs to try all she can, etc.

She acts better and more accountable with strangers. But she reverts back to her melancholy self with me. So sometimes I get frustrated. But I just feel so burnt out.

How can I be better?

Oh my, what a tough situation. I think that frustration is a normal response when you see someone giving up on their quality of life by wimping out.

Since she is better with strangers, you have permission to turn her PT and OT over completely. Get her doctor to order more as needed and you go for some you time while she is working with the strangers.

Negativity is so difficult to be around all the time, do whatever you can to redirect the energy to positive. Put on uplifting music, watch funny movies, be silly, take control of the environment for all of your sakes.

I also recommend a nerf bat that you can wallop the stuffing out of a pillow with. It helps relieve the frustration, I promise.

Be kind and forgiving with yourself, you are doing a tough job great.

Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I heard years ago concerning my brain injured son that acceptance comes in bits at a time. Seems these changes are coming too fast for you to have time to accept and adjust to. You’re not a terrible daughter, just one who misses what was and has to find a new normal, one that’s going to be a moving target. Take frequent mini breaks, a walk if possible, or even another room to just breathe. Ask the therapists for ideas that they’ve used to motivate her. Practice reminding yourself that it’s the disease, not mom. And mostly, remember to be kind to you, you have to so you can be good help to her
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Daughterof1930

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter