How do I positively frame an initial appointment with a neurologist for my father?

First of all, I am so sorry you are going through this difficult situation.

There are others on this site that have parents with cognitive decline. They will have advice for you. Hang in there. Best wishes to you and your family.

Nchesnutt1, your predicament is so very common and you are definitely not alone. Do you have durable PoA for your father? If not, I would strongly suggest you have this in place before he gets an official diagnosis of dementia (or any other cognitive issue). If he is resistant to this, be firm with him that it is a condition of you caring and helping to manage his care now and in the future. If he still refuses, this is a whole other "situation". You don't need a dementia diagnosis for placement (that I'm aware of but it may be different in your state). If he has no assets you won't need to have any agency fill out the Medicaid app (I did my MIL's, she was is same situation as your father). Once the app is complete get it in the mail asap as it will take typically 3 months to get approved. Please know that most facilities have a minimum number of Medicaid beds and the existing residents get first dibs on them. This means there might be waiting lists for "outsiders". Also, a Medicaid room is almost always a shared room. In regards to "selling it" to him, he no longer gets to choose what happens next. He is a grown man who totally could have planned for something -- and didn't. Therefore, you are not responsible for his happiness. He gets to have the retirement he planned for. I wish you success -- let us know how things go.

I told my step mother that she needed to be tested to confirm that it was not time for her to be moved to MC and that we were trying to keep her out of MC and with her husband in AL. It worked, she looked at it as a positive, not a negative.

She has been diagnosed with Front Temporal Dementia, as long as her husband is alive, we believe that she can stay where she is. When he dies she will immediately go into MC. This has all been discussed with the facility that they are in.

I would suggest that you have an MRI done too, that is how the Front Temporal was uncovered.

Sending support your way.