I have found with my wife, it is not a physical place it is a mental place. It is back where she knows what's going on. It can be very difficult to face this with them. We must remember their brain does not work like ours.
Totally agree; your spouse realizes she is not in her old familiar place. Maybe try to have things that could remind her of the home she remembers, photos, decorative items, etc. These might help her feel this facility is not as 'foreign' and 'wrong' to her diminished mind, help her accept it as current home. I know personal items can disappear in facilities, but try to have things with her that she used before, a favorite blanket/throw, towels, robes, etc. It must be scary/confusing to be in a strange place; even when we are still in our right minds an institutional environment (hospital, etc.) can be distressing, feel cold, impersonal. Make her new 'home' as personal as you can for her.
Wanting to go home, for a dementia patient, is most often him expressing a desire for comfort and familiarity, of how things were when she was young and living with not a care in the world. She can BE at home and ask to GO home, which frequently happens. She's not looking for a brick and mortar building as much as a place in time she's lost, sadly. She's looking for comfort.
The worst thing you can do is to tell her she IS home because she won't be comforted by that statement and may actually get more agitated instead. Hug her and tell her you love her very much and hold her hand, kiss her cheek. Let her know you'll always be there for her as a familiar loved one. Then offer her a snack or to walk around the grounds with her. Divert her, in other words.
Taking her for drives and back home might work. My mom would wait for me at assisted living to get her and take her home, which was most likely her childhood home. I'd drive her into the countryside or to the mountains and back to assisted living. That worked for years. If your spouse is not able to handle going for outings, maybe take her around in the house and back to her room. Trying to convince her that she is home will not work. It's exhausting, I know, but keep trying to divert the conversation or telling her what time you will be taking her home, after lunch, tomorrow, whatever will satisfy for the moment.
I love all the suggestions so far; do know this is very very common and a question we have seen before on AC. You cannot know, in the case of dementia, what "old home" she is imagining. The one from childhood? The one from early marriage? If you have photo albums and scrapbooks, sit with her and look through them. She may suddenly say "There's HOME! Why don't we go back there". And again, she may not. All of this just comes out of a mind so different to yours it is not understandable. As the late Oliver Sacks, who studied the aging brain with such fascination, said: "They have a whole world; it just isn't OUR world." I sure wish you the best. Meanwhile deflect with "I think we are going tomorrow" when "We ARE home" doesn't work.
My husband is blind and has Dementia and he often asks about going home. I say many scenarios: we are already at home, we’ll go home tomorrow, it’s too late at night we’ll go home tomorrow, or we’re in our hometown already, I try to stay positive in my response, so he’ll know I’m listening to him. Sometimes, I’ll walk around inside the house with him this gives him a sense of traveling home.
It can be very difficult to face this with them. We must remember their brain does not work like ours.
The worst thing you can do is to tell her she IS home because she won't be comforted by that statement and may actually get more agitated instead. Hug her and tell her you love her very much and hold her hand, kiss her cheek. Let her know you'll always be there for her as a familiar loved one. Then offer her a snack or to walk around the grounds with her. Divert her, in other words.
Best of luck to you navigating a tough situation
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