Wanting to go home, for a dementia patient, is most often him expressing a desire for comfort and familiarity, of how things were when he was young and living with not a care in the world. He can BE at home and ask to GO home, which frequently happens. He's not looking for a brick and mortar building as much as a place in time he's lost, sadly.
The worst thing you can do is to tell him he IS home because he won't be comforted by that statement and may actually get more agitated instead. Hug him and tell him you love him very much and hold his hand, kiss his cheek. Let him know you'll always be there for him as a familiar loved one. Then offer him a snack or to walk around the grounds with him. Divert him, in other words.
Wanting to go home every day could be an inability to adjust because you are visiting him too often;
or, he is depressed and maybe could use some meds for anxiety;
or, he is Sundowning and the "home" he wants to go to is actually his childhood home (this is a feature of dementia).
Was he recently placed? Is he on any meds currently? You can ask the admins for advice -- they've handled this issue plenty of times. I wish you peace in your heart as you work to help him.
The therapeutic fibbing is what has helped me navigate alzheimers with my dad. I have a whole pitch down now - "you put a deposit down on a place (house/condo, etc.) close to my house, 5 min. away. We are waiting for them to finish cleaning so it is all set for you to move in. Maybe a week - week and half, I'm waiting for the lady to call me." I have been saying this at least 3 times a week for about 10 mos now. "Lying" to him is so foreign to me, but this disease is horrible and has robbed him of any sense of logic. I always tell my dad none of us want this for him when he says things like he doesn't want to be there. And that makes him feel better, it calms him.
When possible I use this as a discovery and often bonding opportunity. “Home” doesn’t always mean what we naturally assume it does and can actually mean a variety of places or times during their lives. I will often ask “which home do you mean”, “where is that” or simply “tell me about home, why do you want to go there now”? It often leads to stories and information as well as my mom coming round to realizing that she is home. I also often help her come to terms with not knowing that she lives where she is and thinking she lived somewhere else by saying she must have been having a lovely dream about ——home.
I agree with Geaton777 and MeDolly when they said that perhaps you're visiting too much. There really is no good reason that you must visit him every single day. Wouldn't you like a few days off a week to just do something for yourself and not have to worry about going to visit your LO? And if you're answering no to the above question then it may be you who has more of an issue than your LO. You yourself say that your LO is in "an excellent memory care facility" so you should be able to stay away for days during the week knowing that he is being well taken care of. And it may just be YOU that's reminding him about home thus by seeing you every day it reminds him that he's not home. Why don't you try just visiting 3 times a week and see if that helps? It certainly won't hurt as it will give you more time for you to do things that you enjoy, and it may just let your LO adjust to his new home.
The worst thing you can do is to tell him he IS home because he won't be comforted by that statement and may actually get more agitated instead. Hug him and tell him you love him very much and hold his hand, kiss his cheek. Let him know you'll always be there for him as a familiar loved one. Then offer him a snack or to walk around the grounds with him. Divert him, in other words.
Best of luck to you navigating a tough situation.
NanainUkee
or, he is depressed and maybe could use some meds for anxiety;
or, he is Sundowning and the "home" he wants to go to is actually his childhood home (this is a feature of dementia).
Was he recently placed? Is he on any meds currently? You can ask the admins for advice -- they've handled this issue plenty of times. I wish you peace in your heart as you work to help him.
My pat answer is " When the doctor sends me a letter that says you can return home I will let you know until then you have to stay here".
Have you considered not visiting so often, let him get acclimated to his new home?
Good Luck!
I will add this thought to other suggestions.
Nanain Ukee
I have been saying this at least 3 times a week for about 10 mos now. "Lying" to him is so foreign to me, but this disease is horrible and has robbed him of any sense of logic.
I always tell my dad none of us want this for him when he says things like he doesn't want to be there. And that makes him feel better, it calms him.
Wouldn't you like a few days off a week to just do something for yourself and not have to worry about going to visit your LO?
And if you're answering no to the above question then it may be you who has more of an issue than your LO.
You yourself say that your LO is in "an excellent memory care facility" so you should be able to stay away for days during the week knowing that he is being well taken care of.
And it may just be YOU that's reminding him about home thus by seeing you every day it reminds him that he's not home.
Why don't you try just visiting 3 times a week and see if that helps? It certainly won't hurt as it will give you more time for you to do things that you enjoy, and it may just let your LO adjust to his new home.
NanainUkee
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