She is often angry OR believes that others are angry at her. This is new. Anyone experience this? Where you know you are not angry and you don't know, but you think, that he mailman was not angry, at her .. and you can't convince her otherwise.

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Many people with dementia are angry a lot. It could be because their lives are not so good and they're mad at the people around them for not making it better. Or they're mad in general at the situation. Or it could be a brain thing, since anxiety and anger are two things that seem to hold on while other brain functions are lost. Often anger is a response to anxiety that is felt, so getting a grip on the anxiety can help. For the caregiver, riding through the waves of anger can seem terrible, but there is calm on the other side. My mother is angry a lot. I don't try to deal with the anger when it directed at me. I just make myself scarce until it passes.

If your mother is angry at other people, you can try to redirect her thoughts. Like if she thinks the mail person is angry, you can suggest that maybe they have problems at home. People with dementia often feel that everything relates to them personally. They can lose their ability to see others as separate with cares of their own. Reminding her that people may be unhappy for personal reasons may help your mother redirect her thinking. It is worth a try.

I don't envy you dealing with a lot of anger. It is so common in dementia and one of the hardest things to deal with. Our natural response is to get angry back at them, but that doesn't accomplish anything except raising our blood pressure. It is better to try to pull back until their anger runs its course if it is the type of anger that can't be placated.
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Have you watched any Teepa Snow videos? She's an OT who seems to have an uncanny ability to understand/manage dementia patients.

Is your mom reassured when you tell her that You're not angry with her? Do you ask "what makes you think so?" Is it possible that she's reading your body language/facial expressions that you are unaware of?
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J, don't try to convince a person with dementia of anything.

Say, oh, I'll try to find out if it's us he's angry at. or, I'll look into that mom. Don worry mom, I'll take care of that.

Enter their reality and help fix what they perceive to be wrong.
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