How do I handle an abusive, angry loved one?

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He has a plethora of medical conditions and doctors have told him that he only has a few more more months to live. I have always been very close to him and love him dearly. But he controls every aspect of my life. And it is driving me crazy. He wants me to work and study all the time and since I work nights, I have to sleep in the day. I am exhausted all the time. I am depressed and suicidal. I nearly committed suicide two months ago. The only reason I did not do was because I googled if having an OD was painful or not. He has control of my finances. He forced me to buy a house that I was not ready to commit to. I am not allowed to do anything that makes me feel good about myself because that makes me a bad person. He has even slapped me a few times. Since he knows everything about me, he knows what to say to get to me. Like something to do with my parents especially. I am socially isolated. I do not know how to get through to him. Some advice with be greatly appreciated.

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Your self esteem must be in the gutter. How sad because you sound like a nice person.

Please remember he controls your life because YOU LET HIM!

What about if I treated you the way he treats you? You'd call the cops on me and get me out of your house in a flash! So what's the difference? Abuse is abuse-whether you love them or not.

He has twisted your mind so badly that you don't want to live anymore. Do you think that's a healthy situation to stay in?

If he can't or won't leave, then you need to get out. Too bad for him that his actions caused your breakup.

You need to get psychiatric help immediately. You are not able to sort out right from wrong at this point.

Nothing and no ONE is worth killing yourself over. Please leave and get help right away.

Do not LET him control you one more day or we may be reading your obituary.

He also needs help but that's not your problem right now.

And I don't believe for one minute that he's NEVER been this way. I'm sure you've been living with "mild" abuse for a long time.
Please save yourself.
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LEAVE NOW!!!!!
as hard as it may be.
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So..cancer and some dementia--or perhaps serious depression? Which he takes out on you.

Whatever the causation of his behavior, you cannot stay in a situation where you are abused and feeling suicidal.

You realize you will be alone--and you probably don't want to hate him by the time he passes--this is tough. He's not going to suddenly get nicer.

Only you will know what to do, really. Stay and endure to the end, or leave and have some regret and remorse, but have a life. I'd hate to see anyone I cared about being abused to the point they were simply a nub. Somewhere else you can live? Move him? What's his prognosis? A lot of possibilities here.

Do come back--and good luck.
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cmagnum- thanks, he has so many... I just changed it to cancer.

Sendhelp - I know, I think like that sometimes but I remember that this is not him. It is his sickness, I can't abandon him just like that. It is a double edged sword. I think it will end up hurting me more than him. I was seeing a counselor at his request ironically and apparently it has turned me into a selfish person because I was gaining confidence. I am the worst person compared to others who only show their face when they want something from him.

Midkid58 - Well, I can't argue with that one. I think I made the mistake of telling that one day he was not going to be here and I would be all alone. (I am a good few years younger than him.) So I needed to stand on my own two feet to say. I have to survive after him. Which is what he wanted too in the beginning. He is pushing me to go back to school. He basically forced me to buy a house so that I would not have to depend on someone else for a place to live etc. Before he was sick, he was a great guy. Very fun loving and outgoing. I think this sickness has ruined his view of me. I am the only person that he acts this way with. He is fine with everyone else.
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I'm so sorry for your situation.
You love him dearly, but you're ready to kill yourself over the abuse? Can you see that this is really skewed thinking?

Maybe time to part ways--for both your sakes. His for "better health care" and you for your life. Has he always been controlling and mean? Or is this something that has worsened with his decline? Just asking.

I think you better get away from him. At least begin to plan for the future without him in it.

And, please, get some mental health care help for YOU. NOW.

Come back and let us know how you are---you have to care for yourself, in your situation it sounds like nobody else is doing that.

{{Hugs}} you really need some!
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Your profile says that you are caring for your husband with general age related decline. You need to find a women's shelter and leave!
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"He" is your husband, and is terminally ill.
"He" is abusive and controlling you".

You can walk away now, sending APS to the home, as you can no longer care for him.

OR,

You can do what an M.D. actually advised one wife in your circumstances:
If you had waited a few more minutes to call 911, he would have been dead.

Sounds really harsh, really bad. So sorry. These are things never spoken about.

Can you call for help to come in while you get out of the house to plan your future?

Call a suicide hotline, you are in a crisis.
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