How do I get my mom to accept offers of assistance and ask others for help?


How do I get my mom to get some help from other people instead of us? she always says that all her friends and nieces tell her if she needs anything, just give them a call. It’s really getting exhausting to go down there every week to cut grass and handle the plumbing. We need a day just for us. Sure, if we are able to ride together, we get three hours. Then we start doing things. For example, my husband has Sunday, Monday and Tuesday off work and we are dropping my FIL at my BIL's and going to my mom's Sunday and Monday. The thing is that my husband wants to do everything for her so she doesn’t have to ask anyone else. She feels sorry for us having my FIL here, but she doesn’t think going down there is also a lot. Anyway, her hairdresser messaged me (she has been awesome) and said she told my mom if we cannot make it down to cut the grass, her husband would be happy to do it. My mom never mentioned anything about it. I asked her and said she doesn’t want that. I said that would really help us out, especially when my husband only has two days off. How do I get her to ask others for help?



So do it. BIL can host dad for a weekend. That’s doable. Even if he doesn’t have the best setup for his father, he can manage for a weekend. It’s his dad too. And like I said, tell Mom you need to find help for her because you need time with your husband. She was married. She will understand. If not, do it anyway.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

he just spent the night while we were in illinois taking care of my mom and unfortunately seeing the machinery being sold. there was no way we could go up there but it still went past my moms house. it was so emotional and final. my bil really doesn’t have the best set up but at least we can take him there i just want a day with my husband
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Reply to Staffbull18

If Mom goes to church, talk to her pastor and see if there’s anyone who can help. if she has a local paper, put an ad in there for help. You can only do so much, Staff. Mom may have to pay someone to do this for her instead of relying on the unreliable kindness of family or on you. Put you and hubby first and spend some time together. Let chips fall where they may until Mom realizes she needs to go outside her comfort zone for help and stop relying on you.

So FIL is back? I though he was staying with BIL?
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Reply to Ahmijoy

If it was me, this is what I would do:

Message the hairdresser and take her up on her offer to have her hubby cut the grass. Ask if he would be willing/able to do it every other week. Then you and your husband could go on the weeks the hairdresser's hubby is not scheduled to mow. This would cut your obligation to mow Mom's place in half and help her get used to the idea of having someone else help her. If she objects, kindly and lovingly point out that having help with the mowing eases the burden on YOU, and that you appreciate how concerned she is that you have your hands pretty full with your FIL.

She may never become comfortable asking others for help, but you can certainly accept help on her behalf. (Also, you might point out that people are OFFERING to help, and you think it would be nice to let them feel useful.)
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Reply to funnymomof3