whispers100 Asked December 27, 2017

How do I cope with my mom's constant selfishness?


She's very self absorbed, never listens and the conversation always has to be about her and her problems. If she helps me I am made to feel guilty. I want to get away and be happy. Help!!!



jeannegibbs Jan 23, 2018
She doesn't have anyone else for what, Whispers? To complain to? To send on guilt trips? To ignore and show a lack of appreciation? I think you need to detach a bit and protect your own well-being.

I'm sympathetic to your mother; I really am. I have major depressive disorder myself. I know your mother didn't ask for this disorder, and it is not her fault. But she is responsible for her behavior. She certainly can say "thank you" when appropriate. She can listen when someone else talks.

I wonder if it might help for the two of you to have some family counseling? You need to learn to not let her get you down and she needs to learn that she can control her behavior, even when she can't control how she feels. A trained third party could perhaps help you both.

If she has been behaving this way for 30 years, changing is going to be really hard (unless she really wants to).
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invitingu2 Jan 23, 2018
I have the same problem with my mother but you are lucky that your mother takes anti-depressants. Mine is unwilling to do that.
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whispers100 Dec 28, 2017
Yeah, she's been depressed and on meds 30 years. Had lots of counselling. I live on my own and she lives in a small flat. Well she's my mum and she doesnt have anyone else.
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geewiz Dec 27, 2017
Your profile says Mom suffers from depression. Is she being treated for it --- Meds? Counseling? What are the living arrangements, are you sharing? How old is she?
What is keeping you from getting away? Sorry for so many questions but it is all relevant.
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