My grandmother is displaying signs of dementia and the doctor who did her EKG test after she had a stroke six months prior said she wasn't having seizures, but he wants her to see a behavioral specialist and take a test for dementia based on things my mother and I told him and what he observed. She went off, according to a nurse whose mother had dementia. She told the doctor no, she's done, she's not doing any more tests, she's not seeing any more doctors, nothing's wrong with her, something's wrong with him. She told my mother, who told her when she asked for her car keys that she needed to take the test, that she (my mother) is trying to have her (my grandmother) declared demented and that nothing is wrong with her, something's wrong with my mother. I told my grandmother that she should just have the tests done and see the behavioral specialist, just to rule it out if nothing's wrong. She got defensive and told me no, that she shouldn't have to, why should she have to? They're the one's accusing her of having it so they need to prove it, not her. Then she compared her having to take the test to having an alleged murderer locked up. She even compared having to take the test to torture and then claiming she's allergic to the glue they used in the EKG (she's not, she was itching before it). Then told me if they think something is wrong with her behavior it's only because people keep trying to test her and take advantage of her insurance. I didn't even know how to respond to all that and at 1 in the morning.
She's not listening to anybody and considering what's happening now it's even more unlikely she's going to relinquish control to my mother. Her partner died a few days ago and he hated his daughter but because he never got around to signing over things to his sister in the case of his death his daughter was able to gain control of everything and do whatever she pleases against her father's wishes. Knowing my grandmother, she's going to compare the situation in all the wrong ways to her own and probably due to all the wrong she's done to her kids financially based on her past comments and actions. She's already called the sheriff's department on my mother twice about her keys. She doesn't know we know and is demanding then pleading for favors from me and my mother like she never did a thing. And some of that is her. Doing someone dirty then acting like you never did a thing and asking them for favors while they're left in the dark, that's totally her. In fact it's like her personality has increased in its intensity tenfold. She's always been selfish, manipulative, and a con artist (which I hate to say but it's true), but then there's the things that are just so unlike her we know something's wrong. Calling the sheriff on her own daughter, that's not her. And maybe it's because she's hurt but some of these things were way before the man she loved passed away.
She can't keep up with how much money she has on her, she's deeply in debt, has put my disabled aunt's account (which she views as her second account) in the negative, she spends her money on unnecessary things like large orders of fast food for herself and countless QVC, HSN, and Avon orders. She refuses to take care of her personal hygiene beyond body wipes and an old travel toothbrush. She's been saying and doing weird things like asking me if her favorite chicken place has gravy or if she should write 1916 or 2016 on paperwork she filled out last year for when she files her taxes this year. She's been doing the things she taught my mom and uncles not to do like walking around with large sums of money hanging out and not locking car doors. One time she thought she was about to be broke after paying her bills but she had $300 dollars more than she thought when she let my mother count it. She's never been off about her money. She may spend it all and need more, she is a shopaholic, but she's never been in the negative this often before.
My mother wants to start by gaining control of my aunt's disability check and multiple people told her to call before the 15th and they'd investigate and let her take over. When she called SSI for our state they said all my mother would have to do is go down to an office in the city, show her ID, and they'd do it. When she got there they wanted either my aunt, who doesn't have the mental capacity to know or understand what's going on, to come in and say she wants my mother over her check, to have my grandmother come in and sign it over, or to have one of my grandmother's doctor's say she's incapable. The SSI office won't even look at the proof we have; bank statements, statements from check advance places, etc. Her pc is, quite frankly, a sucker who falls for her act every single time. The neurologist won't sign off until after she takes the test for dementia and scheduled her a follow up appointment for next month but that means another check or two my grandmother has to blow.
What can we do? This needs to stop.