My mum has vascular dementia and sometimes asks who is that man- it's my dad, her husband of 62 years. What can we do? - AgingCare.com

My mum has vascular dementia and sometimes asks who is that man- it's my dad, her husband of 62 years. What can we do?

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Now when she sees my dad her husband of 62 years she asks who is he? Also went away a few days in motor home with my brother and insists someone else was there slept there and came home with them. Said it's a friend and really believes this happened. What can we do to help her?

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Married 62 yrs my alz hubby calles me his sweetheart but next asks my name. Simple short answer. Change subject. I just reassure home he is safe & will never be alone. It's ok not his fault & im not the only wife in this world an alz hubby doesn't know. So we are a surviving team wherever we are. Blessed to have him call me his sweetheart, sister or whomever he thinks I am. Don't sweat the small stuff.
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Perhaps it's time for a doctor visit.
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I had the same issue with my dad. he didn't know who my mom was for a while. that's dementia setting in. what I did with my dad was I kept showing him family pictures, his wedding album, telling stories of the past that would help him remember things and having family come in his room and visit him. he was in and out of it. some days he didn't know anyone but me and others he knew everyone. I was his and moms care giver for three years or so . he saw me day and night and always knew who I was. both died a couple of months ago and I miss them both so much.
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I'll bet your mom thinks of your dad as he was the day they married & he looks different now - maybe a few pix of them together in intervening years might help him to connect the dots
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For what it's worth, my DH of 32 years doesn't recognize me more than half the time now. But he's still very appreciative and I can live with it. He's 96 and doing the best he can.

You can talk to her physician as one of the medications might be contributing. I had to stop DH's Benadryl as it can cause hallucinations in the aged.

Get creative if necessary and tell her it's her "beau" and he's courting her. My DH keeps asking me if I'm married.
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My in-laws are both 93 and have dementia problems. We have good days and bad days where MIL is not sure where she is and has really vivid "dreams" that she thinks really happened. At time she thinks her husband of 70 years is her father.

Maya4blue, I recommend pulling out some wedding photos to remind her. Visual reminders are very helpful. My in-laws have pictures of the family all in there room and I think this has helped her to remember who she is and who they are.
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Yes, my dad is like this. A month went by and he didn’t recognize my mom. The problem was that the woman he did see was not someone he cared for.... made him angry and he wanted her out of the house. This is tough because she is his main caregiver. As the previous post said, go along with it... don’t try to explain things because it usually will not work. My dad calls me when he is very frustrated and i tell him over and over again that i am watching everything that goes on in the house. I repeat slow simple concepts... “i am watching, no one will hurt you, no one is doing what i don’t ask... you are safe and you will be okay” this usually calms him. They get scared. It is a tough illness. We have tried many drugs to help but none have so far. Right now we are trying Aricept...fingers crossed! Think of your mom as a young child and speak to her as such... comfort her and let her feel safe. Your choice of words makes a huge difference
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I experienced similar with my mom. I am sorry you're also seeing this in your loved one, but I recommend to just go along with whatever she says as long as she doesn't find it frightening. If she thinks a friend went along with her in the motor home, then say something like "I bet you had a great time together" and let it go and change the subject. If she asks who her husband is say "that's Joe and he's a great man who really loves you" then redirect the conversation to something else happening in the room or the weather. Just be reassuring in your responses, don't correct or try to get her to remember anything because it will only frustrate her or make her feel bad.
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