Need guidance getting help for dad.

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Hello,

My dad is nearly ninety years old and my mum is eighty five. My mum suffers with dementia, and is getting visibly worse as the months go by. We have had great support from our local GP, and my mum was seen by a wonderful memory specialist at Ipswich hospital.

My worry is my dad. Although he is coping well at the moment, he always looks exhausted as he has to do everything in the house and garden, and all the housework etc.

My mum can cook occasionally, but my dad has to supervise her every move.

I wonder if there is any help they qualify for.

I hope you can offer me some advice on this matter.

Many thanks,

K. Parker

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If you're near Ipswich Hospital, I take it you're in the UK. Are there local Councils on the Aging? Might they have information, or perhaps the memory clinic has a social worker who can guide you. If your parents are resistant to outside help, remember that sometimes it's how you framing it. One poster told her parents she was hiring them a laundress. It was a concept they were able to be comfortable with...it wasn't outside help , it was a laundress. In reality she did many other tasks.
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Ken, your use of the term "mum" rather than "mother" suggests to me that you're not in the US, but rather in the UK, Australia or Canada. If this is so, the agencies that could help would be different from those here.

But I would suggest that he re-prioritize what he's doing. Some things don't have to be done as often. Help him realize that, and that taking time for himself is just as important as mowing the lawn, etc.

If they can afford it, hiring neighborhood helpers for yard and garden work will eliminate one of the most arduous chores for an elderly person.

You can help with the cooking; make large batches of food and take over meal sized portions for your parents. Then your mother can cook every other day or so and they'll both get a rest for that.

If you do live outside the US and have something like our Meals on Wheels, investigate that. The meals are decent and would eliminate preparation of at least one meal daily. My father makes 2 meals out of his MOW, so he only has to fix breakfast and meals on the weekend.

Make a list of the other chores your father, such as the housework as Kazaa suggested, and think of ways that others can help with them. If you have siblings, perhaps you can take turns helping with grocery shopping, medical appointments, etc.
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Well i dont live in the states but the first thing id do is get someone in asap to do housework i pay a lady for 3hrs a wk and without her i just couldnt cope she does all the ironing,washing etc. I dont know if your parents would accept help or be willing to pay for it but its alot of work for one person. I am sure they must qualify for some care coming in but will he want this they can be stubborn but your dad is too old to be doing this alone im only 48 and i cant cope. Do you have other family that can take over and helpout?
Bless your dad he wants to do it all but he cant and maybe his pride stops him from asking for help but if i cant cope at my age imagine just how tired he must be?
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