Are their counselors who can help determine the needs my parents have?

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My mother is handicapped my father is her sole caretaker. I have Lyme Disease and am not capable of taking care of anyone barely myself. We have another sister who lives out of state.
My older sister that gives my parents the help that she does, I fear she doesn't realize her doing laundry for my parents, taking them to the doctors, going there to be with my mom so my dad can leave the house once a month or longer,,,,,I am afraid my sister doesn't realize the need to have someone come in and evaluate my parents living conditions, evaluate their needs now and the future.
any attempt at speaking to my sister about the help my parents need, is met with extreme prejudice and anger…if I can't talk to my sister about what our parents need, how are we suppose to talk to our parents,, its my parents, & sister against me,,, the outsider,,, who none of them care or believe that Lyme disease prevents me from being able to live a normal life much less help them more.
My sister has I believe it gives her a sense of importance that she feels taking on more than she can handle, going to their house after working all day, doing their laundry, she says she cleans their house but its always dirty, always in disarray, My mothers has everyone falling to her beck and call. she is the one who is disabled so what ever my mom wants,,, whether it is hurting everyone else around her, she gets her way. My father is her sole care taker and my mother has no filters in her brain, or sense of appreciation for what everyone does for her. The older she gets she acts more like a victim and has a huge sense of entitlement. To keep the peace my father and everyone else in the family has to do what ever my mother wants,, its a very dysfunctional pattern that has been set in grain for many years. My older sister who works like a dog doing what she can for our parents doesn't have a sense herself of what healthy living environment is or basic food preparation sanitization…(1) EXAMPLE: : she doesn't realize throwing a dish with raw meat on it, putting it in a bucket to wash the dishes she thinks dish soap kills all the germs,, she doesn't realize Cross contamination from raw meat utensils plates sinks should be sanitized separately not throwing them in the same dish pan that she washes all the rest of the dishes !!! Their bathroom has mold growing in several areas. My mother can't reach the toilet paper, so they put the toilet paper on the sink under THE SOAP…They don't have any ramps next to the toilet for my mother to get on the toilet safely. My parents house is in shambles due to my mother ramming all the walls with her wheel chair. She uses her legs to pull herself instead of her arms like she is suppose to,, further complicating her health issues,, she has arthritis in her knees and needs a knee replacement that she refuses to get. My father and my sister has such severe care takers fatigue neither of them can see what my parents need what they are doing is not enough,, and they are not capable of giving the kind of help or guidance my parents need…..I don't even know if my parents have long term care insurance its not something I can talk to them about. If something happens to my father my mother is as helpless as a baby.

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there might be help from APS, but keep in mind, the ADA act prevents seniors from be forced to move to nursing home, I'm not sure if that applies to being forced to accept different caregivers, but basically what I'm saying is, seniors do have rights, they can decide what they want for their living conditions/helpers, even if it seems a bit crazy to outsiders. Big grey area in between, as with everything.
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Adult Protective Services can help with determining that your folks live in an unsafe environment. If you want help as to good ideas for placement - assuming you would want to place your parents in an assisted living facility or nursing home, you can hire a geriatric care manager who will work with you to determine the best options for placement.
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Have you taken care of your Lyme disease?? If you have you should be able to help, but maybe not as much as you were able to in the past. Do the laundry when your sister takes mom to the doctor, vacuum, or clean in the kitchen. Remember don't overexert yourself every little bit helps.
As others have mentioned call Adult Services in your area - try 211 - I think that is a national number to get a list of services available. Are you able to talk to your dad alone to find out if they have any kind of insurance - was he in the military if so check for there are some things available thru them. Did either of them work in the past?? Maybe mom qualifies for Social Security Disability - never know until you check into these things.
You may have Lyme disease, BUT Lyme disease does not have you! You can do more than you think you can, stop feeling sorry for yourself and look into services available for all of you. It is out there if you do your research. I know for I have been there!!
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Adult protective services can help. Not sure where your mom lives but I work for a growing company that has offices throughout the US he
We do geriatric assessments, care management and other services. I am a counselor and geriatric care manager but I would recommend finding a care manager a registered nurse (RN) care manager. They can help with her medical needs better than a counselor. If you want to chat about what skills and experience to look for in your area let me know. You want a very seasoned RN for this case. I will say prayers for your family. I can tell by what you wrote this is a very challenging time in your life. Be Well and take care of yourself.
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get Adult protective services in your sister's area involved...there is also the PCP to go to ??
Lyme's disease is very REAL....SEE YOURSELF AS PERFECTLY HEALTHY....You'll be amazed at what the MIND can do, not the brain, but the mind.
One thing to think about is that your mom , using her legs instead of her arms for the wheel chair exercises her legs...if how they live has not harmed them as of yet....this is good??
Blessings are you....
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Macomb County Office of Senior Services: 586-469-5228 can help them. As a victim of Lyme Disease, they may be able to help you too. Reach out.
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