Follow
Share

First let me say that I am fully aware that I have to deal with my parents (mostly mom) in this issue. I am just curious what others out there might do in my situation, or what others in my situation have done.

I've posted about my mean mother before. Right now she is in a good mood (rolling eyes) and our last outing went well. And I am not even taking care of them yet!! (Rolling eyes again)

I mentioned that Mom and Dad live behind me, about a quarter mile. They know when we are gone as we share a driveway. Dad is 82, Mom, 79. Both are in good health. But I know that one day one of them will fall, or something else will happen and my life will change. Btw, I am their only child.

So. My husband and I LOVE to travel. And we especially love to cruise. Well, Mom (who influences Dad) has a fit when we travel. We are so selfish. What if something happens while we are gone? (And now comes the I-have-a-wonderful-memory-and-i-will-never-forget-and-forgive)) "Betty Jean went to Greece when Mother was in the nursing home. I can't believe how selfish she was. I was the responsible one. If Mother had died while she was gone, I just would have buried her and not even told her. She was so bad for going... she never thought about anyone else... blah blah blah."

And it goes on. "You are selfish. You're just like Betty Jean. You've never had responsibilities. Your father is (yelling at this point) 82, Sharon! 82!"

"Mom, is there something wrong with Dad you are not telling me about?"

"No, Sharon! He is 82!!!" I don't know how to capitalize/italicize/bold 82, but at this point, I can just see her veins popping. "He is 82!"

Again, there are no heart problems, cancer issues, strokes, debilitating arthritis, nothing going on where they are disabled. Dad still drives locally, still does his yard work (to get out of the house), still gets around fairly well.

Mom takes no medications for anything, has no issues at all. Basically like Dad, except for her depressing, horrible, narcissistic, hateful personality.

I KNOW we don't need their permission to travel or do whatever we want. But it sure would be nice to hear, "Hey that sounds fun! Have a good time. What? You want us to call BJ (granddaughter) if something happens? Sure, we can do that!"

Not happening. Because when we cruise, we cannot be in communication on sea days. And, buddy, if something happens to Dad, "he will be buried when I get home".

So with all of this crap hanging over my head, I'd love to plan another cruise. Hubby and I found one last night that would be awesome! 12 whole frickin' days!

Side note: I've discussed this with Dad, who is more receptive. And I've explained to him that if anything were to happen to either of them before any trip, obviously, we wouldn't even consider going. But are we just supposed to sit home and wait for something to happen??

What Would You Do?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Sail away, sail away, sail away.....
Helpful Answer (12)
Report

Get your mother a small flock of geese. They are excellent at patrolling the property and sounding a loud alarm. Worried about coyote? Get her a donkey, they too are very good at protecting pasture. And the son? get him to take Dad fishing. I worked with a man who always took his MIL along on vacation. "That's really nice" I said "I don't know a lot of men who would do that." He smiled and said " I do it because she can make two weeks feel like six. "
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

Feh. He's 82. So what? If I were you, with a mother like yours, I'd travel all the time. In fact, I'd even consider joining a traveling carnival and becoming a carnie just to get away from her.
Go. Travel. Let her have a tantrum. Bring her home a cheap (and hopefully ugly and tasteless) souvenir.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

I had fun reading everyone's reactions. Lots of deep guffaws! Would you ever expect your children, or anyone, to stand by waiting for YOU to die and expect them to die (not living their life) for YOU? of course not. Yep, my mother is horrified whenever I chose to do something in another state for a few days. I just go and she can be as hateful as she likes. Your mother will be miserable with our without you, so go and enjoy your hubby and your cruise and your life.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

My aunt was 101 years old and in a NH, when her son went on his first trip to
Europe. She went on a hunger strike - - and lived to be a 103.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Ya'll have me so fired up!

I might book TWO cruises!! :-O


Sharon
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

You know, another thought......just thinking to myself...do I expect anyone to make their plans around me? When was the last time anyone gave up something because they were worried I might die........when I stop laughing I will try to answer that...... glad you are booking your cruise!!! enjoy!
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Bon voyage.
Tell mom, you will arrange for someone to drop by on a daily basis.
I take out insurance and IF a death happens, I would be willing to cut vacation short. I would not be willing to put life on hold waiting for the grim reaper, just because someone is old......could be a long wait.
There will be a time when travel will not be practical. I settled for staycations for the past 5 years. Dad passed. Mom is stable, sis is sharing the load. I sail for 7 days in July.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Oh thankyou Dusty for NOT sharing!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I read your post and had so many memories back to "when I had dreams"....I will tell you this, way back then, my parents were both elderly, BUT they were still healthy at that time, as you indicate yours are...every single time I wanted to do something for myself, with friends, that was living life and fun, I would end up letting it go because I would start thinking "what if something happened to one of them???" "what if one of them passed and I was out having fun???" "what if this, what if that???" well, I was in my late twenties then...those "what if's" didn't happen but guess what, life did, and before I knew it, BOTH my parents WERE becoming ill, were becoming frail and needing constant help and then it was too late...oh dear God I wish I could tell that young woman back then (ME) you go on and enjoy your life...be young, be foolish, but be happy.....now fast forward ...I am 55 and NEVER got to do what I wanted to do but now am here 24/7 caring for my Mama and while I am truly thankful...Mama is pretty healthy, but she has dementia and now here I am and here I'm going to be....you know what??? your parents could be younger and still pass...YOU could pass on your trip...I could pass tonight...none of us knows when it will happen but it will happen to every single one of us...so I say... GO, PLEASE GO...ENJOY YOURSELF, AND HAVE A MARGARITA FOR ME!!! GOOOOOO!!!!!!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.