About a month ago my FIL refused to go to breakfast and he refused to eat even though they brought it in and then I called to let him know that I would take him to the coffee shop. As a lot of you know that he is obsessed with this place. He said no and then the same thing at lunch! I had appointments all day and I thought I would reach out to one of his friends that were going to be there for him. So I just asked her if she had a few minutes to stop in and say hi, well she took him for a walk and that got him out of his flunk. The next day he had an appointment with his pcp and he didn’t even remember feeling like that. Anyway after the evaluation the doctor increased his Wellbutrin and added an antidepressant. Well the other day his friend wanted to speak with me he said that my fil was talking about suicide when he brought him back. Then I got to thinking about how this all started with him forgetting to eat for two weeks and just drinking orange juice and not taking his medication. When he was in the first rehab place he hated it there and I didn’t blame him it was awful and the residents were going to be there the rest of their life. But his friend asked him what were you doing trying to kill yourself. I remember him telling me that but as many of you know what it’s been like. I didn’t think about it and he was back to himself in two weeks with eating and the pt. Now I am questioning that that might have been what he was doing subconsciously. Anyway the assisted living place and I realize that some of the major sideffects of these medication can be suicidial thoughts and depression. The doctor has discontinued the medication. It’s been so hard watching it and then I think now he is accepting he is old and that’s made him like give up, all of a sudden he is actually old. I look back at when he lived here and we had to explain that he does have limitations but he didn’t accept it and walked a mile and a half. So I feel like We did something wrong by explaining that he did have to accept that he wasn’t able to do certain things, i feel so guilty. Regarding my mother and brother. He is back for sure and I have called a couple times and nothing but he said to the neighbor that he has this huge shed and nothing in it. No tractors nothing.? I am just thinking that his pride may keep him away from us even longer. Knowing him i know he feels like he failed. But i just pray every day. My mom drove by the house and my sil was outside and she hid behind a tree. This is ridiculous, just another update my husband has my mom bathroom almost done. So she will have a shower and so will we, he has worked so hard. There’s a few other things that I have been thinking about and living, but I want to thank you all for being there for me especially through this last year. It will be one year on the 24 th since I talked to my brother. I have been doing well but I know it’s going to be on my mind. Do you think I should reach out to him again. Just saying I love him and miss him. I have had a few people say that he has made his choice he doesn’t want you in his life. Which I get but they don’t know the whole story. But I realize that I cannot keep doing the same thing. History keeps repeating itself. He comes back into my life and I forget about everything that has happened because I am just happy that he is back. Then something happens that I don’t even know what and my heart is broken again. I go through the feeling s of rejection all over again. Maybe it’s time for me just to accept that he is just not going to be apart of my life. That he just cannot give me what I want or need. AA says that we have to forgive but we also have to have healthy boundaries just to protect ourselves. That I have to accept it. I apologize for being all over the place but there’s just so much going on. I am feeling so overwhelmed . There are a few questions in this but a lot is venting. Again I am sorry.