About 4 1/2 years ago while my father was caring for my stepmother (who'd had catastrophic strokes), he had a heart attack and stroke in the same day. I began a caregiving partnership with my sister to arrange care for both of them. After about a year of that, my sister pulled away because of the nasty divorce she was faced with. My husband had just separated from active duty Army, we had to move in with my in-laws after moving from our last duty station to home, and we have 4 kids (preteen-teen now, two with autism). So things got difficult, but were being managed ok while my dad and stepmom were in their facilities and their savings paying for everything.
Then the savings dried up. My stepmom passed away. My dad's Medicaid application for long-term care was denied. And so he was being kicked out of his facility. So we moved him into our house, which is quite large and our downstairs provided him the best for mobility in his wheelchair.
Biggest mistake ever.
My dad has never been a nice person. Is a rather negative narcissitic, believing he knows better than anybody and everybody around him. He never understood that I had kids to take care of, work to get to, schoolwork to get done....he would often say I shouldn't have had so many kids cause I never have time for him. Would send me rushing to the store because he'd run out of essential items and not tell me sooner. Expected I wait on him hand and foot, and if it wasn't to his liking he would get angry. Would take out his frustrations on my kids. Would pile up trash everywhere, including his used pullups and I'd have to clean it all up. The only times he wanted to talk to me was to complain about things ranging from the present to 30 years ago, as usually things I had no control over. He lived in my home under very hostile conditions for 2 1/2 years.
He had a series of strokes last November, for which he was hospitalized. I realized after 2 days that he could NOT come back to my house. Set up everything for him to go to long-term care and reapplied for Medicaid (which he was approved for recently). When myself, my mother (my biggest supporter even though she and my dad have been divorced 20 years) and sister sat down with him to deliver this news he lashed out in a big way. He called all of us every name in the book, said I was abandoning him and it wasn't right, etc. But in the end, he's now in a care facility, raining hell down upon them.
I thought that once he was gone, my home life with my husband, kids, and house in general would be much improved. Instead I find myself just not wanting to do ANYTHING. Grocery shopping, chores, school functions, family get-togethers. I literally don't want to be bothered. I can't even get myself to go into the downstairs of my house where Dad lived because I get such a sense of dread. I do see a counselor, and she's told me this is indicative of a complete burnout, and I should give myself time. But I want to want to take care of business like I used to before caregiving for my dad came into the picture. I used to be really good about meal planning, kids' activities and school, keeping the house relatively in order, laundry caught up on. Now I just don't want to be bothered, and I know it affects everyone.
Has anyone any tips on ways to motivate myself after having burnout from being on edge 24/7? I can visualize it, I can make lists, but then I just can't get started.
(By the way, Dad still tries to call me every day to demand things or to complain about things that aren't his business or are minor. He also had zero empathy for the fact my husband's mother was in hospice, so I couldn't come around, would constantly ask if she was dead yet. She passed last week, and it's hit our family hard. My mom and sister have stepped in for now, but doesn't prevent the calls/voicemails. He is of sound mind.)