My sister has been self absorbed all her life. She takes no responsibility for her hateful actions, and constanly blames others for her actions. Our mother is 90 and in my care. My sister refused to help when our mother was going through treatment for cancer years ago, so it all fell on me to get mom through it. All my sister cared about was what she could get out of moms house while she was with us going through kemo.
Now she has everything she could possibly get her hands on including all the family albums, and mom's car (which she had been trying to get for years even though mom was capable of driving herself). During a recent situation that mom caused, leading me to realize that she has Dementia, my sister realizes that my husband and I have been supporting mom monitarily for years. She has pretty much broke off communications with mom. She did call on Christmas, but other than that she does not call her. Mom gets confused and can't seem to figure out the phone most days so she waits for other people to call her. I check on her all during the day since we put a small cottage just for her on our acreage. She loves having her own space and we know we can keep her safe for now.
I can't help feeling resentment toward my sister for her lack of caring, and self centered personality. I accept the responsibility for the POA assigned to me by our mother. However I can't seem to wrap my mind around the hate that my sister feels toward us as well as the out and out lies she has told to con other people.
I could use some hints on how some of you deal with this kind of situation. I know I'm not the only one. Every family seems to have at least one :-(
I'm moving on. When it comes time to disperse the inheritance, I'll do it with a smile because I will have no regrets. We can't change our siblings, but we don't have to like them or spend time with them. Do what you can and forget the rest.
Unfortunately, I don't have the payoff mentioned above, as mother has been mentally all all her life with Borderline Personality Disorder and the accompanying narcissism that my sis has either inherited and/or learned from our mother.
So that is not why I do it. I certainly do not feel lucky that I am doing what I am doing - quite the contrary.
So why do I do it? Partly by default. I know my sis can't/won't do it. My mother was smart enough to see that and to appoint me POA. More than that she needs someone to do it, she is my mother and as a relatively decent human being, I accept that the task, albeit often very unpleasant, falls to me. My health has been affected by the stress of caregiving within a context of continued dysfunctional family dynamics and If that becomes too much, I will resign. I am very aware I have to look after me.
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