How do you care for a parent when you have 8 other personalities diagnosing him and they have not taken part in his daily care?

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Hmmmm; does any of the 8 have a medical degree or background? In caring for my mom, my brothers and sisters in law and I have found it helpful for everyone to have their own "role". I've got some medical background, so I"m the central liason with docs and the NH, but everyone is welcome to chime in with ideas and they do. It's my job to field these questions (mom looks pale, could her blood count be low); (is all the anxiety something that mom is doing to herself?) and translate them into real questions for the docs and nurses. I've been on the other side of the table; when my MIL was ill, had undiagnosed (or at least unacknowledged by family) dementia, she decided to stop eating and die. Which she did. I suggested that my BIL, the primary caregiver ask about antidepressants and he told me that they wouldn't work if she didn't want not to be depressed, which is clinically untrue. I think that sometimes when we are doing the bulk of the heavy lifting, we get squirrly and resentful of anyone who has an opinion. Smiling and nodding is helpful as noted above, but one of these folks may actually have a useful idea.
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I'm incredibly thankful to the relative that sent me this website. The only regret is that I didn't have it sooner.
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Are the eight others by any chance related to you?

If so, you have my heartfelt sympathy.Try not to develop a nervous twitch. Nod, smile and carry on according to your informed judgment, in close alliance with your parent's primary medical practitioner (if you're lucky enough to have a good one). The trouble starts when The Others come up with brilliant ideas that involve their temporarily taking responsibility for your parent, I find; ideas which are based on their complete and complacent ignorance of the parent's care needs, and which foment conflict when they are at first politely and then more firmly rejected. If I also find out how to stop that's being a problem, I'll be sure to pass it on.
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Sometimes you just have to follow your own sense and behave as caring and professional as possible. The mix of emotions certainly relates to family emotions, and at the same time I would identify the reality that you are the one administering the personal care and if you're going to accept their input then they need to have direct involvement for you to consider their views. Administering personal care is not a spectator's sport.
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