What are the limits of a sibling taking money from our parent? - AgingCare.com

What are the limits of a sibling taking money from our parent?

Follow
Share

Our mother is somewhat capable of managing her affairs. I am financial POA but not in effect. Our sister is pressuring mother into paying for her mortgages, car payments, cash, and the like. No other siblings live in same town. This has been the "elephant in the room" for years but now stops our mother from spending money on her needs of care givers, medical services, etc. Social worker was no help at the geriatric center.
Last time all siblings were in same town the sister disappeared. She said she had to work while we were just there visiting and welcomes a family meeting. I have asked for us to have sibling meeting to discuss what is happening. I want her to stop taking money from our mother and live as she is able on her income. She plays the twice divorced card and yet has a house worth more than anyone else in the family that our parents bought for her. Our mother is twice suicidal due to pressure from all the stress of money matters.
How do I bring up that she is taking so much money from our mother. Over $450 a week from ATM. It seems that literally buying her a house was not enough.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
24

Answers

Show:
1 3
Oops....before the state or nursing home get it all. The problem is my mother-in-law is in the nursing home on medicaid and my father- in-law is a community spouse who needs his money.

Considering that if your mom ever needs long term care services and has to rely on medicaid the state will do a 60 month look back (in IL your state could be different). The state will assess a penalty for any transfer they feel is inappropriate (such as the money your mom is gifting to your sister). If this happens the state can refuse to pay for your mom's care until the money is recouped AND the nursing home can ask your mom to leave.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

We too are having issues with two of my husband's siblings who feel Dad should transfer moneyto them
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Some parents don't realise how they cripple their children, especially children that are married with children who still completely relay o their parents. I've never seen anything like it. I've olaways wonderded how is it that people take advange fro good hearted peolp like this who will do anything even for a stranger but now it makes perfect sense they own grown ass, married children take advantage of them. Who will ever learn to make sure your house and family is sorted out before throughing alcohol party every weekend and then dont have money or food in your house if mommy will make a plan and never see you suffer, what session can one learn if you know mommy will always bail you out! mommy will see what wrong choices you make and not say anything and will just be there to lend a hand when the popo hides the fence. What parent with a child will care when grandma is always willing to babysit everyday so you can go party with your friends every night, If things come so easy why would you want to grow up and take responsibility for yourself. Tiss to me is a reminder of why I do my own thing and been doing me
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

this is sad!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Elder financial abuse by family members is highly common. It is seldom to never prosecuted. If you are POA for finances, it is your obligation to deal with this problem on a going forward basis. Try to forget the past. Consult a specialist who can devise a financial plan to take care of your mother for the remainder of her life. Get your mother to buy into the plan. If she doesn't, then decline to continue to accept the role of POA for finances. If there is any surplus money, than it is your mother's decision on how to distribute it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Advice, do your parents understand that they may need their assets to fund their care as they age? Has anyone ever gone with them to an eldercare attorney to make out poa, advance directives and a will?

Yes, if they are competent, they can do as they please. But you might tell them, calmly and not in a fit of anger, that they will be ineligible for assistance down the road due to gifting of their assets. And that you will not be available to provide care. Find out how much Assisted Living and Nursing Homes cost in your area.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Sorry, I typed this in the wrong place. I have no helpful answers.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My parents are 86 yrs. old. They have always given my younger sister money to bail her out of every financial disaster because she has a bad marriage, which is now over 26 years. My sister and brother-in-law trained their daughter to get money from Grandma and Grandpa(my parents). They bought her a horse and pay $575 a month to stable it. This has been going on for more than 8 years. My mothers health has been up and down and she is losing her eyesight. My mother and father allowed this 23 year old granddaughter and her boyfriend to move in with them rent free, grocery free, housekeeping free (my Dad cleans the house and cleans up after them and their dog. My Dad complains but does nothing to move them out. Instead we hear how hard poor granddaughter has had it with her mean Dad. (A story I heard about countless strays my sister brought home while living with my parents to the ripe old age of 30...rent free). There is so much more but I can't deal with it. Needless to say I have been coping with my feelings and biting my tongue for over 4 decades. My other nephew and his wife have been a godsend and love my parents and want to help. Unfortunately, we are stopped from any of it because anything we want to do would not benefit poor granddaughter. We have called Social Services, but they say that as long as the folks are of sound mind, there is nothing we can do. Did I mention they live on my Dad's pension and their social security. The only asset they have is their house, and it is small and inexpensive. There is no inheritance that will be coming from them, so this is not about money. Just tired of them being taken advantage of. At what point do I contact a lawyer? Trying to talk to the ones taking advantage does no good. Tried it many times. Tried talking to my parents many times. Should I just give up trying?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Building on to their house to create appropriate areas for your mother was a reasonable thing to charge to her. Just about. Also nothing actually *wrong* with their voicing an opinion that your mother did not have to give you any equivalent sum, partly given that at that time you didn't have any expense related to her but mostly given that your mother could perfectly well have told them to get stuffed and done as she pleased, if she'd chosen to.

Do you mean that your mother lived with you in your townhouse for six years, or that she lived for six years staying occasionally with you but for the main part with your sister and BIL? It sounds like the latter. $2500 per month sounds plenty but not outrageous, particularly not if it was well within your mother's means. If you didn't think your home was a good environment for your mother, you could have said so, you know. There are other options for respite care, when your sister needed alone time, which every caregiver does need.

Basically... Your sister and her husband provided your mother with a good home, in a lovely place, for over six years, and claimed from her legitimate expenses. I'm not even sure what you were consulting a lawyer about.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My sister and husband are very well off and asked Mom to live with them in their large house by the water. After a year, they told her she needs to give them 60k for an addition. She was going to give me the same and call it an early inheritance. Sister interceded, they got the addition and told Mom to not give me any. She caved, Then they wanted her to stay with me (I have a townhouse, Mom with end-stage COPD) they also were receiving $2500 month from Mom, they told her they thought she eas going to die in 6 months and they were entitled to this, she lived 6 years. My lawyer says that i cant do anything about this if she was competent. I am so hurt by Mom not standing up for herself or me. They would tell Mom to find a place to go when they wanted to be alone....Mom physically suffered with my stairs. I offered to stay there but they wanted their house to themselves.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

1 3
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions