What are the limits of a sibling taking money from our parent?

If you know the times when your sister is going to be home, show up at her doorstep for a candid chat in the early evening. And bring Mom with you so she can actually see how well your sibling is living thanks to her $.

Your Mom has a soft spot for her, probably because she's either the eldest or the runt. But until she learns to say "No" and mean it, sis over there will keep taking advantage and leave you to deal with the wreckage.

Roll up your sleeves and tie your hair up. This one might get ugly.

I don't know if there is anything you can do if your mother is competent. It doesn't look like your sister has the shame to stop. I had an alcoholic brother who bled my parents for years. I didn't realize the full extent of it until I took over their finances and started shredding documents. During some years my mother was giving them over $20,000 to pay rent and do other things. They paid for my brother's daughters education on top of that. I used to tell my mother to stop, that she was hurting my brother and not helping him. But my words fell on deaf ears. My father came to hate my brother. He didn't want to give him money, but couldn't get my mother to stop. It is a bad situation, but if your mother is competent only she can say no. The end result with my brother is that, despite all the help with money, he lost his family, his home, and died when he was 57. I wonder if his life could have been better if some tough love had been administered. He never had to grow up because his mother was always bailing him out. So he drank himself to death.

Your sister is an addict if she needs $450 a week. Cancel all ATM cards, pronto. Meet with the other sisters and agree on a strategy, which may mean an intervention, or no more ATM cards, but whatever it is you must all be on the same page. If you are united and talk to mom about NOT enabling the addict, she may agree with your plan to cure the problem. It won't be easy.

Right on psteigman! Cancel the ATMs talk to mom about a reasonable allowance for mom and then have mom transfer most funds to various term CDs. Make it impossible for sister to keep bleeding her. Get a financial advisor to come over and speak with mom and you about planning moms future and having money available for moms long term care and expenses. Does mom realize that if she needs a care facility it could be $4500/mo? Does she realize the cost can rocket to $8000 or more for good NH care should she need it? What does mom think will be left in estate for remaining family when she gives it all to sister?

At the very least, all funds given to sister should be accounted for and addendum drawn up to estate will stating that this $$ will be deducted from sisters share of the estate in the end...provided any is left.

I would tell her she isn't getting one more dime and if she needs money, get a second job, a roommate or sell the house and move someplace she can afford.

File a gift tax return with the IRS, form 709 and tell them in detail how much the recipient has received. LOL, that will fix her wagon!!

Can you become the "bad cop?" Get ahold of your mother's checkbook and have her tell Sis that you won't let her get at her money any more. Pay all her bills yourself. Is there anyone in town who could give her a small amount of cash every week, to be reimbursed by you, but no more? It sounds tough.

Advice, do your parents understand that they may need their assets to fund their care as they age? Has anyone ever gone with them to an eldercare attorney to make out poa, advance directives and a will?

Yes, if they are competent, they can do as they please. But you might tell them, calmly and not in a fit of anger, that they will be ineligible for assistance down the road due to gifting of their assets. And that you will not be available to provide care. Find out how much Assisted Living and Nursing Homes cost in your area.

get bank records such as I had done to show evidence of your sister stealing your mothers monies from her account without asking.

WOW I have almost the same problem except my brother has now moved into her house, She can't say no. I have always been her sole support escept financially. I have told her I will no longer clean her house while he is there, I will not clean up after a 60 y/o man who is just there to manipulate and extort. What other options are there?

You need to provide proof to your Mother of what money in the past your Mother gave to your Sister. Add it all up and show it to your Mother and see how she feels then? Keep in mind, if your Mother is compatent? She can do what she desires with her funds until you step in a her Durable POA. But, if she is compatent. Nothing you can do until a doctor tells her otherwise. What some would say to do is, to take your Mother to a doctor to be found incompatent. Then, activate your Durable POA. Then you have control of your Mother's spending. Until that happens your stuck watching your sister drain your Mother's funds. Sounds like you must be a springing POA? You need to read your POA paper work?
I'm going thru some what the same problem as you are.I'm my Aunt's Durable POA. But, my Aunt is compatent to do what she wants to do. I'm moreless seating back waiting for my Aunt to do something wrong. She pays her bills but, with her dementia causes other problems. For me it's a waiting game. Sounds like it's a waiting game for you as well. The hardest thing for me is to attempt taking my Aunt to her doctor to be told not compatent. If it was me told not compatent I would disown the feller that told the doctor to do so lol.
If your your Mother's POA?
Simply go to her bank as her POA and ask for past bank statements for your proof. Show the other brothers and Sisters your Mother's bank statements as proof your sister's sucking money from your Mother.
Regardless,if your Mother is compatent? It's your Mother's Money. She can do what she see's fit with her money until you act.If your your Mother's Durable POA?
You will be required to count for any money missing if/when Medicaid gets involved.
As long as your Mother is compatent? Your sister can drain her dry.