My mother has always been the most important person in her world. She let me know at a very young age that she DID NOT want a girl, and when I was born, she cried for 3 days. I had no siblings, so I became my mother's "whipping boy". When I would come home from school, I was expected to clean the house; I was not allowed to go outside, nor was I allowed any pets. My world became food and TV. If I dared to contradict her, I would either get slapped to the other side of the room, or she would cry and carry on, laying a massive guilt trip on me. My father turned more and more to the bottle, emotionally and physically withdrawing, dying at 52 from alcoholism.
I am now 61, divorced, and have been my mother's caregiver/servant for the past ten years. My world now consists of my dogs and alcohol. Trying to find a decent therapist in my area is a joke. I'm to the point where I just don't care anymore. I used to paint and work with glass....I don't even want to do that anymore. She has treated me like crap for most of my life, a master of passive aggressive manipulation. I just keep trying to figure out why I've gone along with this twisted dance for most of my life to the point where I just don't want to wake up in the morning.